You jokes
What do you call it when a man gets high in Panera Bread?
Panera sped.
Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.
"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" "At the butcher shop!"
What do you call a group of emos?
The Suicide Squad.
What do you call an Indian in a Lamborghini?
Curry in a hurry.
What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A baboom.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "You know you wanna."
Jill said yes and lifted up her dress. They had some fun.
But silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
You're so skinny, when you did your first jump on a pogo stick you would never come back.
Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.
They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.
It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.
What do you call an emo with curly hair?
Sam Reid.
You shouldn't joke about 9/11. My grampa died on 9/11. He was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.
Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?
His name is Vladimir Pootin.
Hey Gwen, listen, I know you're on this app, fake or not. I love you either way. Please find this faker and finish her off for what she's done, real Gwen.
*You're a real best Gwen*
Are you a plane? Because I wanna be in control of you for a few hours.
What do you say to a crippled man getting bullied?
"Why not you stand up for yourself?"
Taking you to go grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
How many orphans can you fit in a bag of chips?
One, if the bag is family size.
You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"
Twinkle, twinkle, there’s a car Coming like a shooting star.
I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.