You jokes
How do you get a million Pikachus in a bus?
You shove them on!
I'll stop with the horrible puns if you can say a good joke.
There was a guy called Manners, one called Poo, and one called Shut Up.
One day, Manners was on his way to pick up Poo from school. A police officer stopped Shut Up and said:
Police: "What’s you name?"
Shut Up: "Shut Up."
Police: "Where's your manners?!"
Shut Up: "Picking up Poo."
I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.
They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."
My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"
I said, "Are you going to punish me?"
Did you hear about the man that got fired from his can job? It was soda-pressing.
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
You Poker Face.
What do you get when you cross a belt and a watch?
A waist of time.
What did one skeleton say to the other?
Skeleton 1: "I need a hand!"
Skeleton 2: (Throws up hand)
Skeleton 1: "That wasn't very humerus."
Skeleton 2: "Why do you have to be so heartless?"
Skeleton 1: "At least I had the guts to tell you!"
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
Are you a mirror, because I see myself in you?
What do you call a laughing motorcycle?
A Yamahahahaha!
Why can’t you trust an atom?
Because they make up literally everything.
You need to play a B flat, not a C sharp, you just got band!
What do you call a three-humped camel? Pregnant.
Person: You suck!
Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎
What do you call a fish without an eye?
Fsh!
Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!
Say what you want about Hitler, but in the end, he did kill Hitler.
What do you get when you eat a hamburger?
Mustard gas.