You jokes

You know who else suffers from Alzheimer's...

You know who else suffers from Alzheimer's.

What did one tower say to the other? "Damn, you looking fly!"

"Do you know the difference between wallpaper and toilet paper?" Replies, "No." "Gross!"

What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? You're not dead.

You're so fat, when you fall, the sidewalk cracks.

Do you know what the equivalent to hell is these days?

1. Listening to your teacher.

2. Not having your phone/game/TV.

3. Not having nicotine.

What do you call an ex-lesbian?

A clitter quitter.

You know how divers jump off a cliff and land in the water well...

Emos do that too, but when they jump, they don't land in the water.

Hey, you know those birds and lizards that feast on decaying flesh?

Oh, sorry, I shouldn't carrion about it.

What did the knife say to the other knife?

"Knife to meet you."

What do you get when you eat a hamburger?

Mustard gas.

How do you know when your vegetables are completely cooked?

The wheelchair rises to the top.

A man and a boy were walking through a dark forest. The boy said, “I’m scared.” The man said, “Why are you scared? I’m the one who’s going to leave these woods alone.”

What can you tell [as] a difference between [a] man and a woman [in a] relationship?

Both of them are just full of shit.

Ur mom.

Oh wait, you don't have one.

Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?

Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.

Snake one: Are we venomous?

Snake two: Yep!... Why do you ask?

Snake one: Cuz I just bit my tongue!!! (Drama scene)

Why can't you eat cereal?

Because your dad never came back from getting the milk!

What do you call a calf that is in no way brave?

A coward.

Do you know why you never mess with an orphan?

Because they’ve got guardians!