You jokes

Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?

Because the "p" is silent.

Money means nothing to me. Ask me for it, you will get nothing.

What do you call a space Muslim?

A Tusken Raider.

How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?

Pick it up and suck its dick.

A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left."

The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?"

The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."

So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network.

The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can't cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can't f*ck."

What do you call an orphan that grows up to be a priest?

Father-less.

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

He just needed a little space.

You're so wonderful that Wonderland booked tickets to meet you!

Are you a sports car? Because you give my heart quite a rush!

Wanna go to suicide school, then time travel to Hitler's bunker and ask him to teach you?

Why shouldn’t you call people in China?

Because there are so many Wings and Wongs you might "wing" the wrong number.

Boy goes to Confession.

Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"

Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."

Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"

Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"

-not my joke

A poor person came up to me and said, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."

Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion?

There was nothing left but de-brie.

I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well."

My brother said, "You want a cookie?"

Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.

It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.

Get your mind together!

Like if you like school (I mean if you don't)!

What do you call a gay pride parade that was ran over?

Rainbow road.

What do you call a baby Mexican? A paragraph because they aren’t a full essay.