You jokes
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
Babe, I'm breaking up with you.
Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.
Me to an orphan: If you had a penny for everyone who loved you, I don't think you'd have any.
The orphan: But why?
Me: Because if someone loved you, they wouldn't have thrown you out.
Devil: Hey angel.
Angel: Hi devil, why are you nice?
Devil: What do angels add to their food to make it a little more spicy?
Angel: What?
Devil: Angelpinos!
Woman gets pulled over by a cop.
Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"
Lady: "No, officer."
Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"
Lady: "Just water, officer."
Cop: "Looks like wine to me."
Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"
Memes
"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."
~John F. Kennedy
Johnny, Johnny?
Yes, Papa?
Do you love me?
No, Papa.
#### you!
What do you call a one-legged Asian?
Tie Won Shoo.
My girlfriend calling me: I'm home alone ;)
Me: I know, you always are...
Luckily for you, mirrors can't talk, and luckily for you, they can't laugh either.
What do you call a fish without eyes?
A fsh.
You call him the holy cross. I call it the rejected Smash character.
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
Q: What do you call a gang of emos?
A: Suicide Squad.
What do you call a blind photographer? A waste of money.
How is an emo kid’s wrist like Pink Floyd?
It’s all shitty until you reach the final cut.
What do you call a dwarf skating on ice?
A midget spinner.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Oh, you wanna die? I wanna die too!
What do you call a three humped camel?
Your mom and your dad.