You jokes
Imagine you are getting eaten by an alligator. What do you do?
Stop imagining!
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."
The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
What do you call a selfie of an orphan? A family photo.
What do you call a person with no nose and no body?
Nobody knows.
What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.
When you’re trying to attract a partner, it’s important to project the qualities you desire. Shit, have I had to suck a lot of cock lately!?
Wanna ride a reindeer for Christmas? *rubs my antlers on you*
You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
A couple and their friends were riding their tricycle, and one wheel fell off. They discussed what to do, and finally the friend said, "Why don't you just use me?" The boyfriend said, "Why did I not think of using the third wheel?"
Dad: What time do you wanna go to the dentist?
Daughter: *tooth hurty*
Dad: All right.
What do you get when you cross a lawn mower and a parakeet?
Shredded tweet!
Using pi, distract the fat kid next to you so you can copy his answers.
What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?
A sourpuss.
What do you call an orphan taking a picture?
A self-portrait.
What do you call an injured person who doesn't want to play a game with you? A sore loser.
When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"
Bf: Hey, what ya doing?
Gf: Just lying in bed.
Bf: Just lying in bed?
Gf: And eating cereal.
Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?
Gf: Eat my cereal.
Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.
Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.
Do you have a halo, cause I can give you one.
Toast is like parents.
If they are both black, you have nothing to eat.
Are you Hiroshima? Because I want to drop my bomb inside you.