You jokes
Did you hear the pickle joke?
It's actually a really big dill.
What do girls and noodles have in common?
They both wiggle when you eat them.
What do [you] call Tyler Brown?
A spaz.
How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.
What's the difference between a paycheck and your penis?
You don't have to beg your wife to blow up the paycheck.
You mom.
How can you tell when a female became a rape victim? She crossed herself out, hanging by with a Carlton dry.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
What kind of file do you need to turn a 15 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile.
Question: What do you call 8 apples?
Answer: The iPhone 8.
Today I explain what things are fake: serial killers, clowns, Billy, fairies, your life, God, Jesus, your mom, and all your crappy fan-fictions about being saved from your even crappier life.
I'm also gonna explain real stuff: YouTube, your dad, scientists, teachers, God, Jesus, and Billy.
Stuff on both is real and fake depending on who you are. Your life IS fake. A lot of idiots will read this.
What Happens When You Get Caught On Fire?
— You Lost To Slmebody When You Were Playing Hide And Seek, And The Place Where You Got Caught Was Exactly On A Patch Of Fire.
Why are you so bonely, my friend? I am at least glad that you are not boneless.
What do you call a Chinese millionaire?
Cha ching.
So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, You look like Shrek, And you make me peck.
What do you call a cow?
A cow!
What do you call a pool full of handicapped people?
Vegetable soup.
These two guys were at a bar flirting with these girls. The guy says, "Are you a parking ticket, 'cause you got fine written all over you?"
The girl turns and says, "How about you pay for them, and then I can pay you back with me getting all over you?"
Come, my children, to the bread cult!