You jokes
Did you know that former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.
You know what the difference between Kobe Bryant and Russell Westbrook is?
He wears 0 and Kobe has 0 lives left.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A-lick-a-lot-of-puss.
What do you call a group of transgender women?
X-Men.
Boy: Will you remember me in a minute?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Will you remember me in a day?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Will you remember me in a year?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Knock knock.
Mom: Who's there?
Boy: Bitch, you forgot me.
What do you call someone who wants to jump off a building?
Cause they want to become Super Man.
Child: Hello, I can’t find my dad.
Stranger: Oh, well when and where did you last see him?
Child: Oh, I remember, 5 years ago he went to get some milk here.
When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.
Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!
I don't understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their Facebook status to single.
I fight with my parents, but you don't see me change my status to "Orphan."
What did the snail say to his ex-wife?
"I'm still leaving you!"
My parents telling me: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
Me upset about my suicide attempt doesn't succeed.
What happens to a baby when you let it run loose? It can't cause it can't run yet.
Man A: "Is Google male or female?"
Man B: "Female, because it does not let you finish the sentence before making a suggestion."
How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?
Juans upon a time.
What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?
"I'm sorry, I just had to."
Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.
Girl: Your card got declined.
Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.
You are my compass; without you, I’m lost.
How do you get the depressed kid out of the tree? You cut the rope.
If you feel sad, or you feel that you are not loved... You're with mushroom pizza.
What do you call a bunch of bald paki in a swimming pool? Coco pops.