You jokes
If you feel sad, or you feel that you are not loved... You're with mushroom pizza.
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."
The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
What do you call a group of transgender women?
X-Men.
What do you call a selfie of an orphan? A family photo.
What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?
A sourpuss.
What I if told you
Dad: What time do you wanna go to the dentist?
Daughter: *tooth hurty*
Dad: All right.
What happens to a baby when you let it run loose? It can't cause it can't run yet.
You would think catholic churches would be in favor of condoms: less DNA evidence.
Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.
Girl: Your card got declined.
Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.
Bf: Hey, what ya doing?
Gf: Just lying in bed.
Bf: Just lying in bed?
Gf: And eating cereal.
Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?
Gf: Eat my cereal.
Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.
Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.
What do you get when you cross a lawn mower and a parakeet?
Shredded tweet!
You are my compass; without you, I’m lost.
What do you call a person with no nose and no body?
Nobody knows.
Two flies were playing football in a saucer. One tells the other, “You’ll need more practice if you want to play in the cup!”
Q: Why don't cars work after you change their wheels?
A: Because they're retired!
How do you get the depressed kid out of the tree? You cut the rope.
What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.
What do you call an orphan taking a picture?
A self-portrait.
What do you call an injured person who doesn't want to play a game with you? A sore loser.
Man A: "Is Google male or female?"
Man B: "Female, because it does not let you finish the sentence before making a suggestion."