You jokes

Bullying orphans is like bullying the homeless kid; both cry when you make fun of their parents.

Your forehead's so big that you dream in 4k.

What did the snail say to his ex-wife?

"I'm still leaving you!"

My parents telling me: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Me upset about my suicide attempt doesn't succeed.

What do you call someone who wants to jump off a building?

Cause they want to become Super Man.

Child: Hello, I can’t find my dad.

Stranger: Oh, well when and where did you last see him?

Child: Oh, I remember, 5 years ago he went to get some milk here.

Me: How does this thing work?

ForTnite kid: Oh, you don’t know how to use a pistol? Look, I’ll show you.

ForTnitekid: *shoots foot*

Me: That wasn’t a very good demonstration.

"Hey, hey, Spongebob! Water you doing?" [laughs]

"Just looking for all my coins with my metal detector because beach better have my money!" [laughs]

"How much have you found so far?"

"Y'know what, I'm not really shore!" [laughs]

Bf: Hey, what ya doing?

Gf: Just lying in bed.

Bf: Just lying in bed?

Gf: And eating cereal.

Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?

Gf: Eat my cereal.

Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.

Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.

How do you get the depressed kid out of the tree? You cut the rope.

What do you call an injured person who doesn't want to play a game with you? A sore loser.

Dad: What time do you wanna go to the dentist?

Daughter: *tooth hurty*

Dad: All right.

What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?

A sourpuss.

What do you call an orphan taking a picture?

A self-portrait.

When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"

What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.

What happens to a baby when you let it run loose? It can't cause it can't run yet.

Using pi, distract the fat kid next to you so you can copy his answers.

Man A: "Is Google male or female?"

Man B: "Female, because it does not let you finish the sentence before making a suggestion."

You would think catholic churches would be in favor of condoms: less DNA evidence.