You jokes
I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames.
What do you call a fish that smokes? "A puffer."
What do you call an IT teacher that touches his students?
A PDF file.
*World War 2 going on and then stops.*
Me: "I guess you would say it was a gory-ious battle."
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: .....it...
Friend: No
Me: *smiles* GETS BEAT BY THE MISTRESS AND GETS SCOLDED BY THE MASTER!!!
Friend: Why are you like this?
What do you call a rapper who can't keep a beat?
A RAPPER-TAP-TAP!
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I thought Shrek was ugly, until I saw you.
Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.
What's the difference between a suicide bomber and your mom?
A suicide bomber doesn't abort their mission like your mom did when she had you.
What do you tell twins that are in love with each other?
Go fuck yourselves!
My friend playing truth or dare asked me: "Dare".
My friends: "I dare you to go home."
What do you call a dwarf with ESP that escaped a prison?
A small medium at large.
What do you call an emo who's emo?
An emo.
What do you call a gangster involved with anime? A Cuz-Player.
You'll end up DEAD if you don't stop COFFIN!!!
Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?
Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.
Did you hear about the astronaut that stepped in gum and got stuck?
He got stuck in orbit! Hehhehe.
Have you ever had duck sausage? No? How about you duck on down and get yourself some!