You jokes

Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?

Neither have they...

What do you call a chill transgender?

Fictional.

I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"

How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice?

Wipe your bloody cock off on her favorite teddy bear.

What do you get when you cross a highway on a bike?

Run over.

This one is for Gwen, I'm sorry people are so mean to you.

All the big cats gathered for a game of poker. Why did the tiger lose?

Because one of his opponents kept on lion. Another had a puma-nent poker face. But the real problem was the cheetah.

Why do orphans play GTA?

To be wanted.

Why do orphanages give out free phones?

So you can press the home button.

What do you do when you're sad? Kick an orphan!

What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Tip for Kindness for the day.

Tip one. Always speak up for yourself.

Yes, letting someone else speak up for you is nice but also speak up for yourself, be brave if a mean bully comes along. Speak up for yourself and others if they need it. Best, Gwen

I'd hit you, but if I did, I'd go to jail for animal abuse.

Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

Foreplay in may areas: "You awake?"

Way down South: "You awake, mom?"

Did you hear about Alicia's car accident?

She was really drunk and all over the road until she was all over the road.

A man runs into a church and shouts, "Are there any dwarf nuns in the monastery?" The Pope said no, causing the man to say to his friend, "I told you you fucked a penguin!"

What do you call a flat-chested emo girl?

A cutting board.

If you hit a child, that's child abuse.

If you hit a family member, that's abuse.

If you kill either, it's murder for some reason.

If it's a whole family, it's genocide for another reason.

Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin off and eat them, they die.

Kenny: "Tyler, you're lucky you're adopted."

Tyler: "Why?"

Kenny: "Because you can fuck your mom without getting arrested for incest."

If Jesus told you to trust everyone, that must be why there are a lot of kidnappings.

What do you call a flat emo kid?

A cutting board.