My mum told me to take out the trash, but I couldn’t find you.
You Jokes
Girlfriend: You remind me of a cellphone.
Ex-Boyfriend: How and why?
Girlfriend: Because you're about to die!
Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.
Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.
Judge: But why?
Accused: Because I’m an orphan.
How do you get a million fans?
Just run through Africa with a bottle of water.
How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste.
You are so skinny that the only difference between you and a leaf is color.
What do you call a group of Emos?
Suicide squad.
What kind of mask are you wearing?
An Elon Musk!
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD
What do you call an anorexic blond with a yeast infection?
... A quarter pounder with cheese.
Say "ocean" 5 times and you say "oh shit!"
Roses are red, violets are blue, when I saw you I thought of the zoo and monkeys too!
Remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.
If you drink hand sanitizer, does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........💀
Have you heard about the corduroy pillow cases? They've been making headlines.
Have you walked into Steven Hawking's house yet?
Yeah, neither has he.
Little boy: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?
Little boy: Your parents.
School is a lot like boot camp. The only difference is that you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.
Salman Rushdie got a new book out.
It's called "Buddha. You Fat Cunt."
What do you call a baby kangaroo? Joey.
What do you call a 6 year old named Joey? Supper.
