You jokes

Orphans are pretty tough. I mean, you never see them running home...

Hi everyone, today I am taking requests for anything you want me to say.

Why can you hit orphans?

Because they can't tell their parents.

If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

Dad, I hate you!

What do you call an emo with a knife?

A cutting board.

How do you cut your grass without a lawn mower?

You dye it blue and it will cut itself.

What do you call a kid with an eyepatch and no arms or legs? Names.

Your hairline is so messed up, I thought a 2-year-old cut you up!

How do you see the difference between a cow and a bull? It’s either one or the udder.

When you know you have a gay friend, but you find out that they like you!

What do you call it when a guy named Fred enters Panera Bread?

Panera Fred.

What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?

The NBA because all the black guys are playing.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna!"

Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun,

But stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.

Bully: I can't understand you because I don't speak ugly language.

Me: And I don't speak idiot language.

I was an orphan as a kid, but I have never had a bitch, so I asked this cheerleader to homecoming, and she said, "Mofo, you are only coming to hoco because you need a home to go to!"

A Chinese guy said to his friend: "I saw you fucking your donkey yesterday."

His friend: "No, that's impossible, it's too hot inside."

What do you call a guy at your doorstep with no arms or legs? Matt.

Did you hear about that musical that was sung by some obsidian?

It rocked!

How do you kill Hellen Keller?

Take her on a walk off a cliff.