You jokes

Genie: You cannot wish for more wishes, immortality, or love.

Man: I wish not to die a virgin.

Genie: I just said no wishing for immortality!

What do you call a sneaky SCP-096?

The Spy Guy!

What can’t a person with no arms do: if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.

What do you call a group of emos about to jump off a bridge? Suicide Squad.

You telling me Julius Caesar, who has been dead for well over 50 years, made this salad?

Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.

For instance, when you push them down the stairs.

How do you stop an argument between two deaf people? Switch off the lights.

Teacher: How much is a gram?

Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need.

Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?

Her sister is a real Dess-ember!

A piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.

"Oh, Bunsen, my flame," the sodium swooned. "I melt whenever I see you!"

The Bunsen burner replied, "Calm down. It's just a phase you're going through."

¡Hola, soy Dora!

Can you help me find the two fucks I'm supposed to give?!

Why can’t you take a Black Asian guy golfing? Because he can’t drive and can’t find his own balls.

If you hate what you hear from Nickelback, at least you can get your nickel back.

If you have to deal with the noise from Deftones... unfortunately, not only are you unable to obtain any refund, but you may have become permanently deaf.

What is the worst part about making an Asian girl squirt?

She charges you for extra sauce!

How can you be fast and slow at the same time, getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics?

What did Bill Cosby say on the second date?

"Hi, nice to meet you."

What do you call it when a gay guy eats Cheerios?

Fruit Loops.

What do you do to a deaf girl after you’re done fucking her?

Break her fingers so she can’t tell anyone.

Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.

I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.

I guess you can say she had me in a trans.