You jokes
Say this when you answer a spam call...
"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."
Bully: I can't understand you because I don't speak ugly language.
Me: And I don't speak idiot language.
You also have to learn to say no. For example: "Would you like a piece of cake?" "No, I'd like two."
Waiter: "Here you go, one medium-rare steak."
Me: "I like it well done."
Waiter: "Thanks, that means a lot!"
What does a baby and a grenade have in common?
They both make noise after you throw them.
Memes
What do you call a stupid mannequin?
A dummy.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your daddy is gay, So are you!
He was saying jokes, and someone said, "You are on a roll!"
A Chinese guy said to his friend: "I saw you fucking your donkey yesterday."
His friend: "No, that's impossible, it's too hot inside."
What do you call a guy at your doorstep with no arms or legs? Matt.
Bobby had 54 dicks (54).
He took 33 pills a month (5433).
Once he ran out of pills, he was left with 45 dicks (543345).
(Flip the calculator once you got the full number. 543345! He's got a lot!
What do you call a white bucket?
A pail.
Did you hear about that musical that was sung by some obsidian?
It rocked!
Why do you think after death the angel says do not be afraid?
Search up biblically accurate angels.
What’s the difference between a Rubik's cube and a penis? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
Are you a ghost train? Because I am going to scream when I ride you.
How do you kill Hellen Keller?
Take her on a walk off a cliff.
To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?
You can say he is not your type until you realize your type is not typing.
What do you call a student in space?
An astrodent.