You Jokes

Have you ever stepped in Stephen Hawking's house?

Neither has he. 😂😂

Blood is red.

Bruises are blue. I forget the rest... um, I hate you...?

What do you call a cow that has two legs shorter on one side of its body compared to the other?

LEAN BEEF!

I wrote a passage to stop about bullying, and it was easy. Do you know why?

Because I am a bully!

How to treat someone who’s lesbian, gay, queer, transgender or bisexual?

The same way that you would treat anybody else, you homophobic bastard.

Fair point.

A social media post with a comment thread. The initial post states, "being kissed in your sleep is...like...the purest form of love." A reply to that comment reads, "Unless you are home alone" and is followed by another comment "Or in prison."

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!”

The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

How do you punch 40 kids in the face at once? Hit them with a “Sandy Hook”.

When you go to Incestry.com instead of Ancestry.com.

What did the drunk woman say to the man after leaving the bar?

"Alcohol, you later!"

Toothbrush says, "I have the worst job ever."

Toilet paper says, "You think your job is shitty."

Your butt's so big you can slap it and ride the waves.

What do you call a bunch of white people in an elevator?

A box of crackers.

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up as an altar boy.

Hey, guys! Just a quick reminder to spread kindness today and treat others how you want to be treated!

Rate your day on a scale of 1-10 in the comments below. Mine was about a 7. Also, can you guys please comment [on] what you guys want me to cover in these little messages? Sometimes it's hard to tell if you guys like that I'm doing this kind of stuff or not.

There was a little boy named Chris who was addicted to Roblox.

One day, his grandpa fell into a deep coma caused by a head injury.

One day, little Chris went to visit his poor grandpa. He brought his Windows 10 too, but it had no charge in it. After pulling out some wires and placing his into the wall, he started to hear a long beeping sound, but ignored it and continued to play Roblox. Chris's parents came and saw what had happened.

The dad then yelled, "You dumb f***, you killed my father!!!"

Then Chris said "Yeah. He was worth robucks, too."

A little boy got the homework that he had to learn the four first letters of the alphabet. He went to his mother, who was knitting and had hurt herself. He asked her what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she said a swear word. He went to his brother, who was playing with a Superman, and asked what the second letter of the alphabet was, and he answered "SUPERMAN!!!". Then he went to his little sister, and asked what the third letter of the alphabet was, and given the fact that she was playing with Barbies, she said, "in the Barbie Dream House!" Then he went to his father who was watching a soccer game, and his team just scored, so when he asked what the fourth letter of the alphabet was, he said, "Olé Olé Olé!!!". The next day at school, the teacher asked the little boy what the first four letters of the alphabet were. He said the swear word. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOUNG MAN!!!", the teacher boomed. "Superman", the boy replied. "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!?!", the teacher continued. "In the Barbie Dream House" "GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE!!!" "OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ!", the boy chanted on his was down the hall.