You jokes
What is it called when you whoop a donkey?
A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.
How do you make a little girl cry for a second time?
By wiping her blood off your dick with her teddy bear.
But she hasn't tried the position with her new boyfriend, so she invites him to a romantic dinner.
After dinner, she tells her boyfriend about her desire for it, but her boyfriend was clueless about such acts, so she tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay on top of him naked in the 69 position. She starts sucking him off and starts waiting for him to do the same, but the bf didn't know what to do, so he just lay there. Suddenly, the girl had an urge to fart but held it in because her asshole was right near his bf's face. Suddenly, she loses control and lets one out. She apologizes profusely and continues sucking him. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another fart rip near his face. The BF throws the girl from the couch, gets up, and says, "Bitch if you think I'll be lying here for 67 more of those, you're fucking crazy."
What do you call a Chinese man in the heat?
Boi Ling.
Did you know Helen had a playhouse in her backyard? Neither did she!
What happens when you search nudes on my phone?
Nothing, I don't have any.
If you had a dollar for every time someone said you're ugly, you'd meet someone who wouldn't say you're ugly.
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus?
Because it wasn't born yesterday.
What do you call a depressed tree?
A wood cutter.
The dark side of kid songs:
You got a friend in me... you got a friend in me!
You're a bish, and you are too!
What’s the best part about having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.
Dad: What did you learn in school today?
Timmy: Not enough, I guess, 'cause I gotta go back tomorrow.
My sister looks like Santa Claus.
"You are so pretty?"
"No, too many people!"
I was staying over at my friend's; for the purpose of the joke, he shall be called Kian. It was 03:00 am and everyone else was asleep when I heard a soft banging on the wall. I left the room to inspect it. Kian lived with his grandad John Hauge; it was thought he had a huge slong.
The banging was getting louder, and so too was my heartbeat. I opened John's door and ventured into the room. John was fully naked. There was a glory hole through the wall where I could make it Kian's ass. This is what I have been waiting for. I rip off my shorts, which Ali G bought for me, and silently moved towards John. I shoved [my] 1-inch wonder in his ear. John furiously turned around and slapped me with his cock, "You little gimp, get on the bed."
Kian came in the room with a 2-litre bottle of Irn Bru. He demanded, "What the fudge are you doing?"
I replied smoothly, "Kian, you tracksuit warrior, you have a camel toe!"
Kian fires back, "Shut it, Paul, you have genital warts!"
John screams, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
He then gives us it so rough I can't walk the next day, but [I] feel pleasured for eternity.
By Lewis
Why should you lose your virginity to an autistic person?
Because virginity needs to be lost with someone special.
You are the joke.
Nobody likes you because you are an orphan.
How do you spot a blind man in a nudist resort?
It's not hard.
What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?
She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.