You jokes

How do you stop a terrorist from drowning?

Take your foot off his head.

What do you call a rapper who LOVES nature?

MC Green

I was gonna tell you a pun about a bin but,

bin there, done that.

Is Google male or female?

Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a fruit joke.

Once a monkey lived in a jamun tree. His friend, a crocodile, came there to eat jamun everyday. The second day, he ate some jamun and left some for his wife. Soon, his wife said, "Why don't you kill this monkey?"

The crocodile was sad and then asked the monkey to come to his place. The monkey said, "What if I drown?" The crocodile said, "Jump on my back." The monkey jumped on his back. The crocodile soon said, "I am gonna kill you. My wife is sick and wants to eat your heart." The monkey said, "I left my heart on the jamun tree." Then the crocodile swam back to the jamun tree and the monkey jumped on the tree.

My childhood tormentor was at school. I walked through so I could get to class.

And then he said, "Hey, you donkey!"

I said, "Thank you, I'm so happy that I'm something, not nothing like you!" And I gave him a pink lollipop. He walked off. And I became popular. Or should I say, Lolli-Popular? Sorry.

Kaleb: Addison, are you okay???

Addison: Not at all. People think I'm annoying and stupid! Do you?

Kaleb: Yes, once I pound you in the ass.

What did the seal say to the shark?

"Are you seal-iously going to eat me?"

You when you face the boss the first time: :)

You when Dark Souls boss music starts playing on the second phase: :(

You when you ask why do you hear boss music: <(

You when the boss goes straight to his final phase after 1 hit:

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Yo, Rob, you forgot to pay me cause you sucky sucky my thang.

AKA, you're up for adoption.

"What did the zero say to the eight?"

"That belt looks good on you!"

I would tell you a chemistry pun, but I won't get a reaction.

What did the pen say to the pencil? You have a point.

If you make jokes about SH, you're not funny, and if you do, I'm gonna assume you're some 12-year-old who wants to be an edge lord. I don't really care if people get pressed.

One day at school, little Johnny was not listening, so the teacher came up to him.

Teacher: "At the end of this ruler is someone dumb."

Little Johnny: "Miss, which end were you referring to?"

How come your sister is hotter than you? Funny, huh?

I forgot the world revolves around you. My apologies! How silly of me.

If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.

You have the rest of your life to figure it out.

When you're sitting by the mushrooms and you hear one say to the other "Hey, you're a fun guy."

What do you do when you're bored?

Beat up an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?