You jokes

What do you call a chair that smokes weed?

A high chair.

Imagine if hitting the iceberg wasn't an accident and it was all just the sailors' fault like this:

Sailor 1: Hey Ron. Sailor 2: Yeah? Sailor 1: You see that iceberg over there? Sailor 2: Yeah. Sailor 1: You know what would be pretty funny?

What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? -- Identical.

Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?

A: How do you breathe through that little thing?

Islamist guys and American Christian right-wing guys are both similar in that both abhor the existence of gay people, but only the Christian Right loves to eat sausages, especially the little ones, if you know what I mean...

When you suffer from depression and somebody tells you to just cheer up-- Me: My goodness, what an idea! Why didn't I think of this before?

Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.

Wife: Doctor, when should I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you!

What is the difference between a woman performing anilingus on a man and a woman performing fellatio on a man?

If a woman is performing anilingus on a man, it is not classified as heterosexual sodomy, you fucking idiot!!!!

Like if you have balls.

What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?

When you have a gun in your hand.

A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down in the waiting room. When it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, "Well, I have good news and bad news." The woman says, "I'll hear the good news first please." The doctor replies, "The good news is we're naming a disease after you!"

What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?

RC-XD incoming.

Mexican jokes and black jokes are pretty much the same.

Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.

what do you call 6 gay men in WWII?

Rainbow Six Siege.

What's the best thing you can do if you're feeling lonely?

Watch a scary movie. You won't feel lonely anymore.

What do you get when you cross a vacuum and a rooster?

A cock sucker.

You wanna know what I want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.

Johnny Depp, Michael Jackson, and Marilyn Manson all walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Why don't you take a seat, right over there?" Turns out the bartender was Chris Hansen himself.

Bully: "Nobody loves you."

Me: "Aww, it must have hurt when your mom told you that."

What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?

- Carlos.