Nobody
Literally nobody
Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven?
You Jokes
What is the difference between a woman performing anilingus on a man and a woman performing fellatio on a man?
If a woman is performing anilingus on a man, it is not classified as heterosexual sodomy, you fucking idiot!!!!
Did you hear about Johnny Depp's shelter for abused women? It's going as well as Michael Jackson's children's hospital!
Like if you have balls.
What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?
When you have a gun in your hand.
A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down in the waiting room. When it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, "Well, I have good news and bad news." The woman says, "I'll hear the good news first please." The doctor replies, "The good news is we're naming a disease after you!"
A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him.
"What are you doing?!" exclaims the priest.
"There is nothing on this Earth for me," the Muslim says. "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"
The priest shakes his head.
"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" he says.
"Follow me, I'll take you to the local primary school."
What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? -- Identical.
Rape jokes are like your dad's dick. You don't want it but you still get it anyway.
What do you get when you cross a vacuum and a rooster?
A cock sucker.
You wanna know what I want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
What do you call a chair that smokes weed?
A high chair.
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
Once you go Asian, you can solve the equation.
A pedophile and a little boy are walking into the woods late at night.
The little boy says, "I'm scared."
The pedophile says, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"
What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
- Carlos.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
How do you help a suicidal person cheer up?
You tell them it's a leap of faith.
