You Jokes

what do you call it when you get married in Panera Bread?

Panera Wed.

What do you call a night guard at the glory hole inside a adult bookstore?

Guardian of the confessional booth.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

What do you call 6 gay men going to war?

Rainbow 6 Siege.

What do you call a drunk, depressed man that skydives?

Splattered.

When the Lego set says 9-12Years but you finish it in 1 hour

A cartoon figure with a surprised face says, "excuse me what the fuck"

What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"

Do you know why the Japanese have squinted eyes? Because nukes are bright.

So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."

If you slit your wrist while crying in pain, that's self-harm.

If you slit your wrist but have no expression, that's acting.

It isn't any of those if it's suicide.

Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!

What do you call a Chinese man with a camera?

Phill Ming.

When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A.

What do you call a single bisexual?

All bi myself.

What do you call a Mexican midget?

A paragraph, because he’s not a full Esé.

I would tell you a construction pun, but I'm still working on it.

What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? "Tie won shu."

Imagine if hitting the iceberg wasn't an accident and it was all just the sailors' fault like this:

Sailor 1: Hey Ron. Sailor 2: Yeah? Sailor 1: You see that iceberg over there? Sailor 2: Yeah. Sailor 1: You know what would be pretty funny?

When you suffer from depression and somebody tells you to just cheer up-- Me: My goodness, what an idea! Why didn't I think of this before?

Islamist guys and American Christian right-wing guys are both similar in that both abhor the existence of gay people, but only the Christian Right loves to eat sausages, especially the little ones, if you know what I mean...