You jokes

Did you know when scientists discovered atoms could split, it blew them all away?

One day, little Billy came in, pulling up his pants. The teacher asks, "Where have you been, Billy?" He says, "On top of Beverly Hill." A few minutes later, little Willy came in. The teacher asked, "Where have you been?" He says, "On top of Beverly Hill." Ten minutes later, little Johnny came in. The teacher says again, "Where have you been?" He says, "On top of Beverly Hill." A few minutes later, a girl came in. The teacher says, "Who are you?" She says, "I'm Beverly Hill."

Do you know why the Japanese have squinted eyes? Because nukes are bright.

What do you call 6 gay men going to war?

Rainbow 6 Siege.

It's said Duracell batteries are supposed to last 75 years, well Stephen, here you are.

what do you call it when you get married in Panera Bread?

Panera Wed.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"

So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."

A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him.

"What are you doing?!" exclaims the priest.

"There is nothing on this Earth for me," the Muslim says. "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"

The priest shakes his head.

"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" he says.

"Follow me, I'll take you to the local primary school."

What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? "Tie won shu."

Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!

What do you call a Chinese man with a camera?

Phill Ming.

What do you call a single bisexual?

All bi myself.

If you slit your wrist while crying in pain, that's self-harm.

If you slit your wrist but have no expression, that's acting.

It isn't any of those if it's suicide.

Rape jokes are like your dad's dick. You don't want it but you still get it anyway.

I would tell you a construction pun, but I'm still working on it.

What do you call a Mexican midget?

A paragraph, because he’s not a full Esé.

Nobody

Literally nobody

Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven?

What do you call a chair that smokes weed?

A high chair.