You jokes

One day, little Billy came in, pulling up his pants. The teacher asks, "Where have you been, Billy?" He says, "On top of Beverly Hill." A few minutes later, little Willy came in. The teacher asked, "Where have you been?" He says, "On top of Beverly Hill." Ten minutes later, little Johnny came in. The teacher says again, "Where have you been?" He says, "On top of Beverly Hill." A few minutes later, a girl came in. The teacher says, "Who are you?" She says, "I'm Beverly Hill."

A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him.

"What are you doing?!" exclaims the priest.

"There is nothing on this Earth for me," the Muslim says. "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"

The priest shakes his head.

"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" he says.

"Follow me, I'll take you to the local primary school."

What do you call 6 gay men going to war?

Rainbow 6 Siege.

It's said Duracell batteries are supposed to last 75 years, well Stephen, here you are.

what do you call it when you get married in Panera Bread?

Panera Wed.

Teacher: Describe a penguin.

Student: Black, white, beak.

Teacher: Good, now describe an orphan.

Student: Sad, maybe depressed, no family.

Teacher: Amazing, now describe a cow.

Student: Brown bun hair, red shirt, white skirt, pantyhose, and dollar tree shoes.

Teacher: No! How does that describe a cow?

Student: It describes you tho.

What do you call a chair that smokes weed?

A high chair.

So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."

What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"

Nobody

Literally nobody

Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven?

A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down in the waiting room. When it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, "Well, I have good news and bad news." The woman says, "I'll hear the good news first please." The doctor replies, "The good news is we're naming a disease after you!"

What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? "Tie won shu."

Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!

What do you call a Chinese man with a camera?

Phill Ming.

If you slit your wrist while crying in pain, that's self-harm.

If you slit your wrist but have no expression, that's acting.

It isn't any of those if it's suicide.

You know, people should really stop making fun of 911....both my parents died.

One driving one plane, and the other driving the other.

So I had a friend who was an orphan, and he said, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, just reminding you." I then said, "Hey, how's your parents?" I never saw him after that.

What do you call a single bisexual?

All bi myself.

What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? -- Identical.

I would tell you a construction pun, but I'm still working on it.