You jokes

Guy 1: Hey, can you stop making 9/11 jokes? My dad died during it.

Guy 2: Sorry, I will stop. What was your dad?

Guy 1: The pilot. He saw a KFC and wanted it, so, well, you know.

How do you make a lesbian upset?

Give her a multiplication test.

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?

Because the P is silent.

Don't let an extra chromosome keep you down!

You're so ugly, you made Hello Kitty say, "Goodbye."

One man's trash is another man's treasure. That sucks when you are adopted.

I heard you were looking for a stud...

I already have the STD; all I need is you.

Opposite day be like in doors.

Figure: Finally, I can see.

Eyes: Nnnnnoooo! I'm blind. Figure, I'm sorry I made fun of you all those other times. Please don't make fun of me.

Figure: Ok eye promise eye won't.

Eyes: 😭

If someone is bullying you for being fat, remember, you're the bigger person, a MUCH bigger person.

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?

You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.

Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, Here's hoping you do too.

The devil's number is 346 because you will be in jail.

How did Michael Jackson challenge the victim's parents? "Then why won't you slap my face, because I'm bad?"

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find God, he'll help you!"

Then the man said, "There’s only one way to get to God, and that is through Jesus. Have you, my friend, found him?"

If you hate pedophiles, grow up.

You're so ugly that blind people cry when you walk past them.

You were supposed to be born in the tree.

The sticks were your siblings.

What does a chicken give you?

Student: Meat.

What does a pig give you?

Student: Bacon.

What does a fat cow give you?

Student: Homework.

Jamal: Dads CAN grow on trees, Joseph.

Joseph: No, they don't.

Jamal: Yes, they do. I've seen it.

Joseph: ... that's not what you thought it was.