You jokes

Have you heard about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa.

Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?

She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.

Why do you wrap a hamster in duct tape?

So it doesn’t explode when you’re fucking it.

Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking, hot body as a senior citizen?

Cremation.

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

Because the “P” is silent.

What do you call a disabled gang member? A crip.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought the Grinch was ugly until I saw you.

Do you guys know what KFC stands for? It stands for kidnapping foster children.

What do you call intelligent people in America?

Tourists.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

"How do you breathe through that tiny thing?"

One man's trash is another man's treasure. That sucks when you are adopted.

I heard you were looking for a stud...

I already have the STD; all I need is you.

If someone is bullying you for being fat, remember, you're the bigger person, a MUCH bigger person.

I will always remember my grandma's last words: "What are you doing with that pillow?"

The amount of women judging me for raping a poor lady is terrible. You weren't there. You don't know!

Are you sure your father isn't a thief?

Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

Who needs dating apps when you have family reunions?

The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.

Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.

Are you a gun, because I would be your bullets because I love going in children.

Guy 1: Hey, can you stop making 9/11 jokes? My dad died during it.

Guy 2: Sorry, I will stop. What was your dad?

Guy 1: The pilot. He saw a KFC and wanted it, so, well, you know.