You jokes
When you were supposed to help the depressed kid, but not "help" the depressed kid.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, and they want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared.
The Native Americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: The Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him.
The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs and the Native American kills him. They both see each other in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?"
The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”
Obama, Trump, and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.
Obama: "This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children!"
Trump: "Screw the women and children!"
Clinton: "Do you think we have time...?"
What do you call an owl with armor?
A Knight Owl!
Your forehead is so leaned back you can see the dinosaurs.
You are so hairy, Bigfoot took your picture!
What do you call your mom when she goes into the shower?
A shower ma! (shawarma)
What do you call an Arab flying a plane?
A pilot.
You racist fuck!
Did you hear about the guy that posts all of the "Hairline Jokes"?
Answer: Yeah, he's a COMPLETE IDIOT!
I rate you a 9/11.
Hello Watersharky, I am Koge.
I see your songs and want to be your agent. Please write back about this offer. Thank you.
A young man was crossing the road when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess." The man took the frog, smiled at it, and put it in his wallet.
The frog called out again, "If you kiss me and I turn into a princess, I will live with you for a week and do everything you want." The young man took the frog out, smiled, and put it back.
Then the frog called out, "Okay, okay! I will be with you and do whatever you want forever!" The young man laughed and put it back in his wallet.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is wrong with you? I'm offering to be a beautiful princess! Why won't you kiss me?"
The young man said, "Listen, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is pretty cool."
Guys, what do you call an un-aborted and parentless child?...
An orphan.
What do you call it when Panera Bread is a book?
Panera Read.
Your forehead's so big that I was tryna figure out if that was you or the moon.
If you hate what you hear from Nickelback, at least you can get your nickel back.
If you have to deal with the noise from Deftones... unfortunately, not only are you unable to obtain any refund, but you may have become permanently deaf.
Did you know that in 2001 there was an Among Us game, except that it was on a plane and had two imposters.
when you see a depressed kid, you walk up and say "wassup my lil barcode"
What do you call One Direction converted to Islam?
Al-Qaedirection
I asked an emo girl, "Do you ever get jealous of your phone when it dies?"