You jokes

A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"

His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."

The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"

"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."

The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."

The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."

"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."

What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, he just WAVED.

Did you SEA what I did there?

GUY: Yes

Are you SHORE?

What do you call a white man having intercourse with a black woman?

An Oreo.

Say "toast" three times. Spell "toast" three times. What do you put in a toaster? The answer?

What do you call a pool full of handicapped people?

Vegetable soup.

Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."

How do you know your Dad's been fucking your sister?

His dick tastes funny...

What did the Arch bridge say to the Truss bridge?

"I Truss-ted you!"

To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket: you can hide, but you can’t run.

What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde girl?

One stops sucking when you smack it.

Like if you meet someone emo.

What do you call sex in the World Trade Center?

An inside job.

If you ever get bored, tell an orphan to take two days off their calendar. If they ask why, say, "Because you're missing Father's Day and Mother's Day."

One day a computer said to another computer, "Why are you so dumb?"

The other computer replied, "Because I have low memory."

Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?

Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the bill.

Yo mama so fat that when she walked past the TV, you missed 3 episodes of your favorite show.

What do you call a black person swimming?

Cursed Minecraft image.

A woman walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs.

The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea with that." The woman replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."

Where do you find white people on a bench?

- The NBA.

An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."

Are you getting the funnies?