You jokes
Your face looks like my butt, but it looks like you.
You really put the R in special.
Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.
Girl: Your card got declined.
Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.
I ain't f***ing with you, there's 1 million things I'd rather f***ing do.
Kid: "Hey, are you an orphan?"
Friend: "Yeah, but you are too."
Kid: "At least my parents wanted me."
I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.
Let’s say there’s a person who should have never come to exist. How would you find them?
A: Look in a mirror.
Why do you let your dads sleep so they don't get grumpy and eat your dinner?
What do you call a fish that has a dick?
Moby Dickkkkk!
Imagine you ask a girl out in braille.
And she leaves you on felt.
If I called you gay, you would probably hit me with your purse.
Lil’ Johnny be dead, you fools!
Friend: I got bit.
Other friend: By what?
Friend: A dog.
Other friend: (Runs away and the next day you know everyone is wearing a mask and the friend gets expelled because of rabies.)
So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says, "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says, "Cool, let me try!" and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says, "Superman, you're an asshole."
What do you do when you finish a magazine at school? Put another one in and continue!
If sex with three people is called a "threesome" and sex with two people is called a "twosome," then I know why people call you handsome!
Did you hear that Michael Jackson changed his name from Michael Smith? Well, at least he's honest.
Mother, father, and a son. Father purchased a robot that can detect lies. The robot slaps when you lie.
During dinner time: Father: Son, what have you done today? Son: I watched Netflix, Dad. Robot: Stood up and slapped the son! Son: Okay! Okay! I watched porn, Dad. Dad: What? You watched porn? You are only 14! I never knew porn till I was 18 years of age. Robot: Stood up and slapped the Dad! Mother: Started to laugh and said "Sure he is your son!" Robot: Stood up and slapped the mother!
Hehe
What do you call an epileptic midget that works at Little Caesars?
Little Seizures.
Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down?
Almost took out the whole trailer park.