You jokes
"Chuck? How many push-ups can you do?" -- "All of them."
Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a smurf?
A: Blue cheese.
A child with cancer: "I want to be like you when I grow up." Doctor: "Oh, you're not going to grow up."
When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.
Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."
What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.
It's that time is year again!
What do you do when you get locked outside your house? You talk to the lock, because communication is key.
If you don't like my suicidal jokes, sorry man, didn't know it cut that deep.
Nike isn't helpful for suicidal people. You can't tell them to "Just Do It."
When the guy next to you says that he kind of agrees with the villain.
Me watching a World War 2 documentary.
I was working in an iPhone store in Norwich when a man came! He said, "Give me a hat-trick or I will destroy your store!" I said, "No," and he started to smash phones! I immediately screamed, "Important game!" and he disappeared! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my store! 😡😡
When you call the Middle Eastern suicide hotline, they ask you if you can fly a plane.
What has an N, an I, two Gs, an E, and an R?
Ginger! You racist fuc-
A husband comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can’t cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can’t fuck."
God creating cats.
GOD: Make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of.
ANGEL: Ok.......................................anything else?
GOD: YES, PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!
What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well, beer nuts are 49 cents, but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer, you won’t understand it.)
If you were on the Titanic and you didn't leave the ship, what would you do? Just let that sink in.
What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedo have in common?
Are you ready, kids?🤣
Friends are like penguins.
If you stab a penguin, they die.
What do you call a gay dinosaur? Megasoreass.
I respect cancer more than I respect depression.
At least cancer has the balls to kill you himself.