You jokes
A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A vanilla shake.
What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.
Do you want to hear a money joke? "Never mind, it makes no cents."
A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated your arms."
Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a smurf?
A: Blue cheese.
When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.
Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."
A child with cancer: "I want to be like you when I grow up." Doctor: "Oh, you're not going to grow up."
You can laugh at how men are stupid. But remember their favorite thing.
It starts with "M" and ends with "arriage".
If you guessed "Marriage" you're stupid. It's miscarriage and don't forget it. The joke never gets old to him. Just like the baby.
When you call the Middle Eastern suicide hotline, they ask you if you can fly a plane.
When the guy next to you says that he kind of agrees with the villain.
Me watching a World War 2 documentary.
Nike isn't helpful for suicidal people. You can't tell them to "Just Do It."
I was working in an iPhone store in Norwich when a man came! He said, "Give me a hat-trick or I will destroy your store!" I said, "No," and he started to smash phones! I immediately screamed, "Important game!" and he disappeared! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my store! 😡😡
If you don't like my suicidal jokes, sorry man, didn't know it cut that deep.
What do you do when you get locked outside your house? You talk to the lock, because communication is key.
God creating cats.
GOD: Make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of.
ANGEL: Ok.......................................anything else?
GOD: YES, PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!
What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well, beer nuts are 49 cents, but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer, you won’t understand it.)
If you were on the Titanic and you didn't leave the ship, what would you do? Just let that sink in.
What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedo have in common?
Are you ready, kids?🤣
Friends are like penguins.
If you stab a penguin, they die.