You Jokes

What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.

Bully: "Shut up and give me your money, otherwise I will tell everyone that you are still a virgin."

Boy: "Haha, I am not a virgin anymore."

Bully: "Haha, nice joke."

Boy: "If you don't believe then ask your sister or brother."

Bully: "Hah, I don't have any sibling."

Boy: "Will just wait for 9 months then u will know."

A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated your arms."

If you were on the Titanic and you didn't leave the ship, what would you do? Just let that sink in.

Raaj went up to his mom and said, "I bet you 10 dollars I can disappear." Then he turned off the lights.

Good girl.

A man is sitting on a couch with his arm around a woman whose mouth is covered in duct tape and her hands and feet are tied. The text says "This could be us but you keep escaping."

I respect cancer more than I respect depression.

At least cancer has the balls to kill you himself.

A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl of chili.

The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.

After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, "Are you going to eat that?"

The second man replies, "No, you can have it if you want."

So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.

About halfway through the bowl, he's chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.

He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.

The second man looks at him and says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got too."

God creating cats.

GOD: Make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of.

ANGEL: Ok.......................................anything else?

GOD: YES, PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!

What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well, beer nuts are 49 cents, but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer, you won’t understand it.)

Why does Helen Keller hate the national anthem? Oh, say, can you see?

I conducted a survey. I asked 100 women what kind of shampoo they used while they were in the shower? 98 of them said, "How the fuck did you get in here?" 😂😂😂

What do you call a priest in a room full of naked boys?

A colonoscopy.

When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.

Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."

Kid: Mom, what's dark humor?

Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

Kid: But, mom, I'm blind!

Mom: Exactly.

Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

Kid: Are you gay?

Me: No, I'm straighter than the pole your mom dances on.

"Chuck? How many push-ups can you do?" -- "All of them."

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd get in the van if I were you...

What do you get when you cross a panhandler, a politician, a lobbyist, a prostitute, a sodomite, and a Jehovah's Witness knocking on your door at your house to convert you to their religion?