What do you call a winter time contact?
A Santa Claus.
You Jokes
What did the Roman say to the gladiator?
See you later, gladiator.
At the age of 100, you get a letter from the Queen. At 12, you get a DM from Prince Charles.
I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite's orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!
Two simple steps to get 15,000 people to follow you:
Step 1: Buy a bottle of water (doesn't matter the size).
Step 2: Run through Africa with that bottle of water.
Perfect! Now you got yourself half the population there following you!
Do you know why orphans can't get married? Because they will never get their parents' blessing.
You looking for jokes? I have one: your life.
"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"
Why do girls wear classic rock T-shirts? Because they are stupid little bitches who need to grow some fashion sense because wearing old shit doesn't make you unique.
POV: You call the group of emos the "Suicide Squad."
Do you know how to make 4 Albanians stand on a shoebox?
Just tell them that it floats.
Mom: Can I tell you a joke?
Kid: Sure.
Mom: Knock knock.
Kid: Who's there?
Mom: Not yo.
Kid: Not yo who?
Mom: Not yo father.
Kid: Not yo husband either.
When you cream pie a tardy hottie, it’s called a loaded potato. 🥴🦴💨🥔
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
What do you call an orphan home alone?
A family reunion.
Would you like to try African food?
They would too.
Have you heard of Imagine Dragons (the band)? Imagine dragging these nuts across your face.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I've got genital warts, Soon you will, too!
My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.
You: Find a time clock that can change time.
Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?
You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!
Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.
