You jokes
When you went to an ugly competition, the judges said, "No professionals allowed."
One day I was walking along the street and I found some caution tape... Just sitting there torn up... Beat up, and you could barely unravel it anymore because I would just burst into shreds... It kinda reminded me of what happened to my sister's killer... They still haven’t found him yet... I’m really good at hide and seek!
Did you know the Titanic sank in water?
Titanic 1, Africa 0.
What do you call a dead polar bear?
Anything, they can't hear you!
What's brown and sticky?
What did you think! A stick......
How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’
Q. What's the difference between a CEO and a deer?
A. You don't normally fuck the deer after you've shot it.
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?" The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."
Roses are red, your eyes are brown; never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.
Thank you so much for helping me get to 20 followers! I'm so happy, every time I look at my followers going up, it makes me so happy. I can't wait to keep posting other things on here! <3
What do you call a blind and illiterate military leader?
Winston Churchill.
Why are the jokes fat? Because you made it.
You know orphans are kinda like a house with no people in it.
Because it’s empty inside.
Even though you are a meateater, you can still totally be a vegetarian.
Dating 101:
Here's what you do:
1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.
Q: What do you call a baby in a vegetative state?
A: A tater tot.
So there's a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says, "Step on a crack and you break your mother's back." The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother's back breaking.
The little girl's father looks in terror, she then says, "Step on a line and you break your father's spine." The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out "OW MY SPINE!" The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.
When you go to Incestry.com instead of Ancestry.com.
What did the knife say to the other knife?
"Knife to meet you."
As a scientist, I confirm that you speak too fast. It has a speed of 1 bullshit per second.