You jokes
What's life if you don't have one...
If I told you, you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
Did you know that new Teslas don't come with the new car smell?
They come with an Elon Musk.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels.
Top tip; if your wife asks, "What would you like to do to my body?" 'Identify it' is the wrong answer.
Memes
Your mama is so fat that she took a picture at Christmas, and it's still downloading.
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
... family photo.
When you get mad, just punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their mom?
When the doctor asks you what your zodiac sign is,
You respond: "cancer."
Doctor says: "Well, what a coincidence!"
Officer, I drop-kicked that child in self-defense!
You gotta believe me!
Anyone can do a Michael Jackson impression. All you need is a small boy who can keep a secret.
What do you call it when you rickroll someone in the LGBTQ?
You just got fruit-rolled.
What do you call a woman who aborted her quadruplets? A graveyard.
How do you keep a blind kid busy? Give him sandpaper and tell him it's a find-a-word. 😂🤣
Did you know there was a record for the quickest time to finish a story? The day it was set was 9/11. 99 stories in .4 seconds.
Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂
Doctor: You need new glasses.
Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.
Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.
What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
What do you call a ghost bee?
Boobees.
If you eat a clock, then does that mean you’ve consumed time?