You jokes
What is it you can give at Christmas and still keep? Herpes.
I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say "black paint."
You have to say, "Leroy, please paint that wall!"
What do you call a fat transgender midget?
Jigglypuff.
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, and you listen closely, you can hear the chair screaming.
A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." "What do you expect?" he says, "You're in a fucking wheelchair!"
Can you relate
A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor!"
There are 206 bones in my body.
When I look at you, it becomes 207.
A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"
Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"
"Our wedding video."
What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam?
The doctor taking off his watch.
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.
Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff?
Yea, they found her “head and shoulders“ on the backseat of her car.
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you cannot helium, you have to curium. If you cannot curium, you have to barium!
What do you call a magic owl?
HOOdini
Women are like grenades: you pull the ring and BOOM, the house is gone!
The doctor said he had good news and bad news. The good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.
A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says, "They're right behind you!"
Why was the T-rex so angry? You would be angry too if your arms were too short to masturbate.
What do you call a 100-year-old frog?
An old croak!
Q: What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?
A: Carlos.
"Why don't you want to taco 'bout it?"
"Cause I'm nacho friend anymore."