You jokes
What did the blonde say when I told a rape joke?
"Can you show me what rape is?"
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dinosnore!
How can you save a depressed person from a tree?
You cut the rope.
Him: What's the difference between Incestry.com and Ancestry.com?
Her: What?
Him: Nothing, either way you will be dating your cousin.
Why are Captain from SpongeBob and Michael Jackson so similar?
They both say, "Are you ready, kids?"
How many astronauts can you fit into a VW Bug? 11, 4 in the seats, seven in the ashtray.
One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,
"What part of the dog did you get?"
A blonde walks in and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde asks, "That's it, how'd you know I was a blonde?"
The seller replies, "Because that's a microwave."
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
Did you know that Americans fall out of both sides of the bed?
Hey girl, do you like Harry Potter?
Because I want to wingardium leviosa up that skirt, alohamora those legs open, and aqua erupto inside of your leaky cauldron.
You're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't wanna say this, but nobody cares about you.
What do you call a feminist? A Karen.
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. You only need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?
A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.
So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging themselves? I guess they lost Hangman.
What do you call a mouse with sneakers?
Squeakers!
Have you heard of the new sequel to "The Exorcist"?
A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son.
Roses are red, violets are blue, A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there with you, But not in the cage, but laughing at you.