You jokes
You couldn't spit out a good sentence, even if you ate a bowl of alphabet soup.
What do you call a funny mountain?
Hill-arious.
Me: Are you okay?
Dentist: I'm just a bit surprised. When I said to you "spit it out," I wasn't expecting you to say you've been shagging my wife.
A vampire stalks you into a field of corn. The stakes have never been higher...
What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?
Cash and carry.
Memes
"Why don't you want to taco 'bout it?"
"Cause I'm nacho friend anymore."
Q: What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?
A: Carlos.
What do you call a 100-year-old frog?
An old croak!
What time is it when you get home, can you walk home and walk?
What do you call a person who cares for chickens?
A chicken tender.
What do you call an arrow pointing the wrong way?
A Disap point ment.
What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?
A slow clap.
How do you piss off a disabled person?
You put the cookie on the other shoulder.
What do you call two lesbians in a closet?
A liquor cabinet.
A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"
Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"
"Our wedding video."
There are 206 bones in my body.
When I look at you, it becomes 207.
A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." "What do you expect?" he says, "You're in a fucking wheelchair!"
Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Seine.
A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor!"
I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say "black paint."
You have to say, "Leroy, please paint that wall!"