You jokes
Titanic walks into a bar. Britannic: "What would you like to drink?" Titanic: "An iceberg."
Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?
The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....
Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Patient: Good news!
Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.
My friend said, "Why do you have depression? There is so much happiness in the world." And I said, "Why do you have asthma? There is so much air in the world."
You have to have real balls to face prostate cancer.
Just not for long!
That's my one teacher 24/7💀
What do you call a dwarf suicide bomber?
A party popper.
Me: You stupid. Guy: You straight. Me: Sorry, I'm not a mirror.
Doctor: You need new glasses.
Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.
Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.
A person asks a taxidermist what they do for a living. The taxidermist replies, "Oh, you know, stuff."
"Why don't you want to taco 'bout it?"
"Cause I'm nacho friend anymore."
If you eat a clock, then does that mean you’ve consumed time?
You want to know the bad thing? Only 5 out of 6 people like Russian roulette.
What do you call an arrow pointing the wrong way?
A Disap point ment.
What do you call a ghost bee?
Boobees.
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.
Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?
She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.
Have you heard of the book about the transgender whale?
It’s called "Maybe Dick."
What do you call a fat transgender midget?
Jigglypuff.
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, and you listen closely, you can hear the chair screaming.
A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"
Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"
"Our wedding video."