You jokes
what do you get when you cross parents, the san fran bridge and a moody asian teen?
Niagra falls
Do you know Candice?
Nope.
Candice dick fit in your mouth.
So if you are bored, punch an orphan.
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?🙄🙄
Dad: Here you go son, all your toys have gone to the orphanage.
Son: Why, Dad?
Dad: You would be bored there if there was not anything to do.
Treat me like a joke, and I will leave you like it's funny.
What do you call a boy Panera Bread?
Panera Balls.
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"
Me: power button.
Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.
"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.
"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.
"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.
Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?
"I finished my job."
What about me?
What do you not say to an Emo if you want them to come round? "Wanna hang out."
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
Man: Cow milk is drinkable.
Other man: How do you know that?
Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*
Other man: John...h-how do you know that!
What do you call a gay kid that is on fire?
LGBBQ
In the bus, you can't spell "black" without "back."
I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.
What do you call depressed coffee?
Despresso ;)
It's always fun to take anti-depressants, you either choose to take one, or the whole bottle.
You think people with glasses are smart, but they fail the eye doctor test.