You jokes
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
What do you call a dear with no eyes?
I have no eye deer!
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
How do you make a dishwasher work again?
Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"
What do you call a gay Eskimo?
A snow blower.
How do you know it’s a gay guy’s birthday?
Depends how hard they blow out the candles.
I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.
I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"
She said, "He was a little tardy."
I replied to her, "I thought they all were."
Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.
If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.
The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."
Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?
Well, probably the person in front of them.
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
A photon is checking into a hotel.
The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?"
The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."
Why do people hate abortion jokes?
It leaves you with an empty feeling inside.
What website should you go to to look up LSD dealers?
TripAdvisor.com
What do you call a digital hamburger? Processed meat.
I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"
What happens when you cross a rhetorical question with a joke?
SPOILER ALERT...
I was going to tell you a joke about Thanos, but T. S. snapped it away!