You jokes

The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."

Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?

Well, probably the person in front of them.

I rate you 9 out of 10, because I'm the 1 you need.

What do you call it when everyone of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.

What do you call a flat emo?

A chopping block🖤

My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...

So I threw a coconut at her.

You call your dad the sun because he is 90 million miles away.

I'm actually against abortion.

Just go to the car wash and tell 'em you ate too much red pasta!

Guy: Whose place? Mine or yours?

Girl: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Fat chicks be like, "Am I fox pretty, bunny pretty, cat pretty, or deer pretty?" Like none, bitch, you elephant pretty. 😭😭😭

What is something you can’t say in a superhero movie?

“Is it a bird, is it a plane, well whatever it is, it’s heading straight for the World Trade Center.”

Roses are red, my mental health is blue, Karen got no mom like you.

My grandpa said, "You kids rely on too much electronics." I said, well we will see about that. *unplugging life support* me: *oops*

What is the similarity of a bomb and a baby?

When you drop them both, everyone screams.

If you want KFC, pour water on a poor person outside our restaurant and film it.

Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!

Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*

Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.

You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.

You look sexy with that rope around your neck.

Roses are red, Violets are fine, You can be the six, And I can be the nine.

So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."