You jokes
Today is the day of 9/11, and we were in class making jokes, and somebody said, "That's sad." I was like, "Why?" And they said, "Today is the day the towers went down." I said, "Just like I did on your mum last night."
What do you call a herd of cows pleasuring themselves? Beef strokin’ off!
What's the difference between life and a rape joke?
Life fucks you until you stop breathing, a rape joke fucks you until it's not funny anymore.
Me: What did one toilet say to the other?
You: What?
Me: You look flushed!
Who says white people can't jump?
Have you seen the 911 footage?
Memes
How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.
My sister said that you know that "that" is really cool. Then I said, "You know you can shut up."
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Her: Awww... Yes!!!
Me: Good, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.
Q: What do you call 6 gay men in the army?
A: Rainbow Six Siege.
Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?
If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.
Are you a toaster?
'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
When you're a terrorist and you have a stutter.
A a a a a a a a ala ala ala ala ala alaog alaogbar.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't comin'.
Did you know ghosts are alcoholics?
They only come out for the boos.
My principal called my mom at school and said, "You should teach your son well." After coming back home, at first she taught me sex!
Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.
Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?
Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.
Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.
Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.
Me: ...
My aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said, "If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or it's useless, throw it away."
The next time my aunt visited, she said, "Where is your daughter?"
My mom said, "I took your advice."
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into 2 skyscrapers.
How do you know a hippie is on her period?
Her socks are missing.
How do you know she's off?
Her socks are tye-dye.