You jokes
How do you make any salad into a Caesar salad? You stab it 23 times.
So who did it? the I.S.S. teacher said.
1 hour before:
So let me get...
Random person: Wait, what? You BROKE UP WITH HER!
Me: I SWEAR, JHONNY, THIS IS THE 3RD TIME YOU BUTT INTO MY CONVERSATION! SO... HERE... YOU... GO! *punches*
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
The cheetah had a race with a lion, and the cheetah won.
The lion was like, "Why you always a cheetah?"
The cheetah was like, "Why you always lion (lying)?"
What do you call a cow eating grass?
A Lawn Moo-er.
Memes
Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.
People: Stop invading Ukraine!
Putin: Ukraine? you mean Mykraine.
What do you call a running chicken?
Scared.
What do you call a pregnant slave? A two for one deal.
Sans: Zzzzzzzz.
Papyrus: SANS, WAKE UP!!
Sans: What is it, dude?
Papyrus: A human has fallen from the surface world!
Sans: And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em??
An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."
The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"
"Nein," said the old man.
Feminists think men hate them. MEN HATE FEMINIST KARENS. We already have equal rights. It wasn't always like that, but that was in the past. So, fuck feminists.
(Like if you hate feminists.)
What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?
They both make noise when you throw them.
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
How do you make a baby astronaut sleep?
You rock-it!
What do you call a musician 👩🎤 who drinks soda and sings 🎤 at the same time?
A popsinger.
This is to the girl/boy named Gwen: Are you okay? I see there is a bunch of haters but DON'T, I repeat, DON'T let the haters get to you. I hope you see this and respond and that you are okay. Please Gwen, be honest.
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Hit your wife harder.
How do you make a pink Smurf?
You peel the skin off.
What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
Her parents named her Cindy, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.