You jokes
Q: Do you know why orphans rob banks?
A: Because it's a guarantee they'll be wanted afterwards.
I would kiss your lips, but your legs are blocking the way.
If you know, you know. 😏😏
What do you call an Asian telephone?
Ling Ling.
What do you call a transgender person? Nintendo Switch.
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
What do you do when your cat's not home?
Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.
When you play Flappy Bird in 9/11, the bird is a plane and the obstacle courses are towers.
If you give someone a plane ticket, they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.
What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?
A trip without kids.
Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.
What do you call an orphan family photo?
A selfie.
But wait, what family? He never had one.
me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.
The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.
Do you know Mike Hawk? No, who is he? Mike Hawk in your MOUTH!
What do you call a dog with no legs? Call him whatever you want, he's not coming.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair that you push in a fire? Hot Wheels.
What do you call a rooster lollipop?
A cock sucker!
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox, and nobody raises an eyebrow.
Are you depressed? Go punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
The Good Old Days.
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.