You Jokes

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss.

When you have sex with a coworker but remember it's a family business.

What do you call Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan.

Science flies you to the moon.

Religion flies you into towers.

A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."

The image contains text from a tweet by Alice Smith that says: "Give a man a fish, you'll feed him for a day. Elect a man to fish for you, and all of a sudden fishing becomes some mystical function that only a few elite in society can perform, at great expense to the rest of it."

The cheetah had a race with a lion, and the cheetah won.

The lion was like, "Why you always a cheetah?"

The cheetah was like, "Why you always lion (lying)?"

Imagine if on April first the government says, "Hahhaha, you all fell for it. Covid-19 is fake; we actually killed all those people, lol."

What do you call a cow eating grass?

A Lawn Moo-er.

If you want to SH but not in the sell farm way, come ooon.. do you even know what does that means?..

What do you call a running chicken?

Scared.

Hey, did you know that 9/11 won a Grammy?

Yes, best comedy award.

An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."

The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"

"Nein," said the old man.

I bet for Halloween you were a Goblin. How about you gobble deez nuts?

How do you make a baby astronaut sleep?

You rock-it!

How do you turn a baby into a dog?

Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!

What do you call a musician 👩‍🎤 who drinks soda and sings 🎤 at the same time?

A popsinger.

Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.

Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.

People: Stop invading Ukraine!

Putin: Ukraine? you mean Mykraine.

This is to the girl/boy named Gwen: Are you okay? I see there is a bunch of haters but DON'T, I repeat, DON'T let the haters get to you. I hope you see this and respond and that you are okay. Please Gwen, be honest.