You jokes

How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them if you keep reloading.

What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi.

What do you call an orphan family tree?

A tree stump.

If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?

Big hands.

What do you call a bunch of sheep rolling down the hill?

A. A lamb slide.

Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?

Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the check.

A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"

What do you call the worst joke ever?

Well, according to my mom, I am.

So I went to the binoculars shop the other day. Tell you what, they saw me coming.

Roses are not always red, Violets are violet, not blue. Irises are never red, Petunias can be kinda blue.

What does this tell us 'cept you can't trust a poet to tell the truth.

What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip off!

What do you get when you have 10 chicken nuggets and little Jimmy tries to take one?

10 chicken nuggets and a dead little Jimmy.

Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?

Yeah, they're pretty holey.

How do you blindfold a woman?

Put a windshield in front of them.

What's worse than ants in your pants?

Your uncle.

"You have to be more patient!" "Will it take a long time?"

What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?

A mass murderer.

A girl walks into an Adult Store. "Hi, I want to buy that red dildo right there."

Cashier: "That's a fire extinguisher, you whore."

I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."

She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?

AIDS.