You jokes

Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.

What's the difference between a Nazi and an onion? If you cut a Nazi, nobody is crying.

Q: What did the cannibal say to the leper?

A: You gonna eat that?

How do you name a disabled Asian?

Throw the wheelchair down the stairs.

What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?

A family photo.

A man walks into a bar with a 44. Magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The bartender answers, "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets."

I drew a picture of a whale in the ocean. My brother asked, "What are you drawing?" I said, "You taking a shower."

Can I branch out to some tree puns? Willow you allow me it’s only fur. No? Oakome on!

Dear math,

Please grow up and solve your own problems. I'm tired of solving them for you.

Thanks.

What do you call Stephen Hawking on Mars? Mars Rover.

My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

How do you confuse a blonde? Put it in a circle and tell it to sit in the corner.

A Mexican boy said, "I can't do this." Then a guy says, "You can do it, we are Mexican, not Mexicant."

What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?

For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.

Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?

Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.

Why can't you tell anyone about space?

Because it's too out of this world!

A boy and his friend were walking down the street.

Boy 1: "Bro, you still got my Nikes?"

Boy 2: "Yeah, sorry. I got them dirty."

Boy 1: "Please clean them, we have school tomorrow."

Boy 2 got back to his house and decided to clean his friend's shoes. After he finished drying them, he got stuck in his painfully small dryer. Then he remembered his brother needed something from the dryer. So he tried to get out, when his brother came in.

He came in twice.

(like if u understand)

Roses are red, violets are blue, Fortnite is dead and so are you.

Imagine if on April first the government says, "Hahhaha, you all fell for it. Covid-19 is fake; we actually killed all those people, lol."

What is the difference between a whore and an onion?

You don't cry when you chop a whore.