You jokes

What flour do you give an orphan?

Self-raising.

Why is it illegal to do reverse cowgirl in Alabama? You never turn your back to your family.

Kid: "What's dark humor?"

Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."

Kid: "I am blind, Mom."

Mom: "Exactly."

What do you call a spaceman’s willy?

A Shuttlecock!

"Sir, in court, all your answers must be oral, okay?"

"Ok."

"What town did you grow up in?"

"Oral."

What does the hare say to the other hare? You look nice with your hare cut!

Hey, are you a terrorist? 'Cause I rate you 9/11.

doctor: you need to eat healthy.

me: no.

doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.

me: oh my goodness.

doctor: in a plane crash.

me: that sounds unrelated.

doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!

Papyrus ran headfirst into a windmill. Guess you can call him a bonehead.

Last night, I burned an orphanage. There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do? Tell your parents?"

How do you make an adopted kid bleed? ... Tell him to clap until his parents come back.

You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.

When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.

What's an emo's favorite game?

Limbo.

(If you don't understand the joke, go look up what Limbo is.)

What is the difference between a hooker and a feminist?

If you want a hooker to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.

How do you get to the Hogwarts gym?

Go through the dumbbell door.

Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.

When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"

I said, "I shit you not."

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

Hi, if you are suffering with depression and want to talk about it, please do so in the comments, and just know you are NOT alone.

What do you call your angry French aunt?

A crossaunt.