You Jokes

How do you fit 3 gay guys on a barstool? Flip it upside down.

My girlfriend is like treasure to me.

You need a shovel to find her.

"I will Always Love You!"

What do you call a Russian man with three balls?

'Whodya nikabollokov'

Are you electricity? 'Cause I wanna get a bath with you ;)

The image shows a four-panel meme. In the first panel, a person with a German flag above their head says, "Drinking age is 16." In the second panel, a person with English and Spanish flags above their head replies, "16! ours is 18." In the third panel, a person with an American flag above their head says, "18!! We have to be 21." Finally, in the fourth panel, a person with a Mexican flag above their head asks, "You guys have a drinking age???"

Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?

A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.

How do you get an emo out of a tree?

Just cut the rope.

What do you do when an orphan takes a family photo?

A selfie.

What do you call a dog that tells time?

A watchdog.

What time is it when you walk into a wall? Time to get to bed!

How do you get Wacko Jacko to come inside your shop? Have little boys' pants half off!

What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?

Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.

A black lady goes inside the drug store and asks the pharmacist, "Do you carry tampons?" Then the pharmacist asks the black lady, "Do you want the mini pads or the maxi pads?"

And then the black lady asks the pharmacist, "What is the difference?"

And then the pharmacist asks the black lady, "What is your flow like?"

And then the black lady tells the pharmacist, "Linoleum."

The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.

In some places in the world, you can't get an abortion even after rape. That's so fucked up.

You serve your time, you get out, and you STILL have to pay child support. What a nightmare.

What do you call an orphan when there 18?

Homeless.

A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."