You jokes
What do you do when you see a spaceman?
Park in it, man!
Joker gives Batman a phone.
Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."
Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"
What do you call a decapitated politician?
A severed head of state.
Teacher: "You know you can't sleep in my class."
Boy: "I know. Maybe if you were a little quieter, I could."
You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!
Memes
The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.
Do you know Mike Hawk? No, who is he? Mike Hawk in your MOUTH!
what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?
Panera dead.
A: Why are you so sad?
B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie.
What do you call a rooster lollipop?
A cock sucker!
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox, and nobody raises an eyebrow.
What do you call a dog with no legs? Call him whatever you want, he's not coming.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair that you push in a fire? Hot Wheels.
If you were driving when all of a sudden a young kid and an old man run right in front of you, what do you hit?
The brakes, you sick bastard.
Are you depressed? Go punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Official Dj Penaldo playlist.
1. "I'm a fraud" 2. "I need you (ft. Tap-ins)" 3. "I Want to Leave Mid United" 4. "Back where I belong (ft. Europa league)" 5. "TY Eder" 6. "Nobody wants me (Rejectnaldo Remix)" 7. "Fuck that kid (ft. Lil Broke phone)" 8. "Sewy (Benched +arms crossed version)"
Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?
It's pretty much a downward spiral.
Dad: We are giving your toys to the orphanage.
Kid: Why?
Dad: So you won't get bored.
What do you call a person who doesn't masturbate?
A liar.
What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?
"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"