You jokes

What do you call a family picture for an orphan?

A selfie.

What do you call an Asian telephone?

Ling Ling.

There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans.

What do you call an orphan family photo?

A selfie.

But wait, what family? He never had one.

So I went to the binoculars shop the other day. Tell you what, they saw me coming.

What do you get when you have 10 chicken nuggets and little Jimmy tries to take one?

10 chicken nuggets and a dead little Jimmy.

Did you fall from heaven? Because you really did a damage on your face.

Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?

Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the check.

A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"

How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?

Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"

What's a pirate's favorite key on the keyboard?

Others: R.

Rrrr, you would think so, but it be the C.

Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?

Yeah, they're pretty holey.

Son: Dad, I know I'm adopted.

Dad: Well, how do you know?

Son: I found the adoption papers.

Dad: That is for your mum.

If you know, you know.

What do you call a rich Chinese person? Cha-ching!

Ask Siri what rich North Koreans are there.

Siri: "I could not find anything for this question."

Sex is basically math. You add the bed. Subtract the clothes. Divide the legs to multiply inside.

What do you do when your cat's not home?

Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.

What do you call an LGBTQ person getting grilled? LGBBQ.

How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?

It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.

What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?

"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"

What do you call an emo with no legs?

Emobile.