Can I branch out to some tree puns? Willow you allow me it’s only fur. No? Oakome on!
You Jokes
Q: What did the cannibal say to the leper?
A: You gonna eat that?
What do you call someone who hates rape jokes? An ugly feminist that couldn't get a cock in her mouth.
Dear math,
Please grow up and solve your own problems. I'm tired of solving them for you.
Thanks.
How do you confuse a blonde? Put it in a circle and tell it to sit in the corner.
My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers?
The redneck virgin.
Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?
Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.
What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?
For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.
A Mexican boy said, "I can't do this." Then a guy says, "You can do it, we are Mexican, not Mexicant."
Are you a Samsung Galaxy Note 7? Because I want to explode in you!
What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person? "What's bringing you down?"
A boy and his friend were walking down the street.
Boy 1: "Bro, you still got my Nikes?"
Boy 2: "Yeah, sorry. I got them dirty."
Boy 1: "Please clean them, we have school tomorrow."
Boy 2 got back to his house and decided to clean his friend's shoes. After he finished drying them, he got stuck in his painfully small dryer. Then he remembered his brother needed something from the dryer. So he tried to get out, when his brother came in.
He came in twice.
(like if u understand)
I would roast you but you're already so hot.
How can you get free butt plants? Just get your man to fill your butt with natural juices.
A wise man once told me: "If you poke the bear in prison, the bear will happily return the favor when it's time to shower."
Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?
It's called "One More Thyme."
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?
Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it.
Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow.
I was studying in Turin, and my professor told me I had to use PENS only.
I looked in my bag for pens, and they were GONE. I looked at the surveillance footage and saw that CRISTIANO PENALDO stole ALL MY PENS. I was fuming. Shame on you, Penaldo!
What do you call a gay drive-by? A fruit roll-up.
