You jokes

Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down you can't see it.

Guy: I don't, I see your mom.

An emo kid walked to me holding a rope, and asked: "Do you want to join my family tree?"

What do you call a gay drive-by? A fruit roll-up.

I bet for Halloween you were a Goblin. How about you gobble deez nuts?

What do girls and noodles have in common?

They both wiggle when you eat them.

How do you fit 4 gay dudes on a stool?

Flip it upside down.

Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?

It's called "One More Thyme."

What can you never tell an orphan?

Go home to your parents.

What do you call a paralyzed turtle?

Shell shocked.

So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”

How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?

By cutting off her fingers.

If you’re forced to have it as a child, you won’t like it as an adult.

I guess Hitler was forced to have vegetables when he was younger.

Are you Jesus? Because I want to nail you.

A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, “She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife replies, “Change the damn diaper, you idiot.”

Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted?

It was quite a shocker.

What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person? "What's bringing you down?"

"I wasn't that drunk yesterday."

"Oh boy, you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying."

Are you a Samsung Galaxy Note 7? Because I want to explode in you!

Hairy vagina is like sweets with the wrapper on. You don't like it, but you still eat it.

What do you call a funny cow?

A cowmedian.