You jokes

Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?

Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.

What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?

For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.

A Mexican boy said, "I can't do this." Then a guy says, "You can do it, we are Mexican, not Mexicant."

Are you a Samsung Galaxy Note 7? Because I want to explode in you!

What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person? "What's bringing you down?"

A boy and his friend were walking down the street.

Boy 1: "Bro, you still got my Nikes?"

Boy 2: "Yeah, sorry. I got them dirty."

Boy 1: "Please clean them, we have school tomorrow."

Boy 2 got back to his house and decided to clean his friend's shoes. After he finished drying them, he got stuck in his painfully small dryer. Then he remembered his brother needed something from the dryer. So he tried to get out, when his brother came in.

He came in twice.

(like if u understand)

I would roast you but you're already so hot.

How can you get free butt plants? Just get your man to fill your butt with natural juices.

A wise man once told me: "If you poke the bear in prison, the bear will happily return the favor when it's time to shower."

Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?

It's called "One More Thyme."

Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?

Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it.

Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow.

I was studying in Turin, and my professor told me I had to use PENS only.

I looked in my bag for pens, and they were GONE. I looked at the surveillance footage and saw that CRISTIANO PENALDO stole ALL MY PENS. I was fuming. Shame on you, Penaldo!

What do you call your Indian best friend who is the ABSOLUTE BEST at cunnilingus? A Curry Muncher.

Broke my toenail yesterday. I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:

1. "Yeah, I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."

Chuck Norris once took down a fence. Maybe you heard of it, the Berlin Wall.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Olive.

Olive who?

Olive you ♥️.

What does Michael Jackson ask little boys before going to bed? Are you sleeping?

A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.

“Mom, why did God make me like this?” he said.

“It’s because God made you special,” she said.

“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”

If you own a gun and you live in the USA, hide your gun upstairs. Biden can't get it.

Biden: *falls over on steps*

Q: What do you call a shed full of black fellas?

A: Retired Farming Machinery.