You jokes
What do you call a blind German? A Nazi (Not-see)!
What do you call physically handicapped, homophobic, heterosexual men and women in wheelchairs?
Mixed nuts.
Your forehead is so huge, you don't have dreams, you have movies. Follow me on Instagram: _zer0x3.
You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?
European.
I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.
“Are you still holding the ladder?”
My brother caught Covid last month.
First I knew about it was when he speed-dialled me at 3am and gasped, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe!"
I just told him straight: "Bro... you really need to work on your George Floyd jokes."
When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering, but you walk toward his gun; "I will finish what you started."
The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.
Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."
Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"
Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."
Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
Me and my little brother were playing Call Of Duty. He wasn't doing very good, so I told him so. My brother said to me, "At least I don't have to camp in order to get kills." I then responded with, "I would call you cancer, but at least cancer kills."
What do you call a communist pirate ship?
The USS Arrrrr.
What you breathe in is called oxygen, otherwise known as, "African food".
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Well, it depends on how hard you throw them.
How do you create the world's quickest human pyramid?
Turn on the gas chamber.
If a woman gets raped, just walk away, don't bother. Cheer on the rapist if you want.
They believe they are equal to men, right? So they are able to fight back, right? Then prove it! My EQUALITY!
Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"
Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"
The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"
Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."
The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."
What do you call a cow with no toes?
Lac-toes intolerant.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss!
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody nose.
How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb?
One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her.
...just kidding-
- none. They can't change anything.