You jokes

Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"

Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"

The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"

Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."

The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."

What do you call a cow with no toes?

Lac-toes intolerant.

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss!

Did you hear of the guy who was sad about being in a wheelchair? He had that crippling depression.

What do you call a man with no body and no nose?

Nobody nose.

How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb?

One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her.

...just kidding-

- none. They can't change anything.

Just because she weighed as much as two women... Doesn't mean you had a threesome.

What do you call a kid having a seizure on a dance floor? An improvement.

What do you call a cross between a gorilla and a monkey? -- A cross.

Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.

Science flies you to the moon.

Religion flies you into towers.

One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".

The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."

What do you call an autistic person with a driver's license?

A LETHAL WEAPON!

A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."

JFK: Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.

Did you know that Iceland is only one sea away from Ireland?

What do you call a school shooting survivor who grows up to be a prostitute on the West Coast?

A Sandy Hooker

A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.

Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."

Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."

If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 10-hour Energy?

What do you call an apartment full of Black people?

A crackhouse.