You jokes

Are you depressed? Go punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)

You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are K, F, and C.

Did you know Helen Keller had a sister?

Neither did she.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Tell them to clap until their parents come home.

Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?

It's pretty much a downward spiral.

Do you know Mike Hawk? No, who is he? Mike Hawk in your MOUTH!

what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?

Panera dead.

Official Dj Penaldo playlist.

1. "I'm a fraud" 2. "I need you (ft. Tap-ins)" 3. "I Want to Leave Mid United" 4. "Back where I belong (ft. Europa league)" 5. "TY Eder" 6. "Nobody wants me (Rejectnaldo Remix)" 7. "Fuck that kid (ft. Lil Broke phone)" 8. "Sewy (Benched +arms crossed version)"

Dad: We are giving your toys to the orphanage.

Kid: Why?

Dad: So you won't get bored.

The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.

Whoever stole my Microsoft Office account, I'll make you pay. You have my word!

I: "Get a boomerang."

Type: "Why?"

Me: "Because for frisbee, you need friends."

What do you call a lesbian with braces? A box cutter.

What do you call a decapitated politician?

A severed head of state.

Teacher: "You know you can't sleep in my class."

Boy: "I know. Maybe if you were a little quieter, I could."

Joker gives Batman a phone.

Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."

Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"

I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.

How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them if you keep reloading.

John F. Kennedy: "Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."