You jokes
Trump says to Obama, "You know it’s the White House, not the black house, right?" And Obama says, "Yeah, but it isn’t the orange house either."
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?
Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.
What do you call an orphan when there 18?
Homeless.
What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?
Transparent.
What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?
She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.
What do you call a kid having a seizure on a dance floor? An improvement.
One day, a cop pulls a van over, and when he walks up to the window, he sees ten penguins in the back.
The cop asks the man, “Are those your penguins?”
The man says, “Yes, they are my pets.”
The cop replies to the man, “You need to take them to the zoo right now.”
So the man agrees and drives off. The next day, the cop pulls over the same van, and he walks up to the window and sees the ten penguins all wearing sunglasses.
The cop says to the man, “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.”
The man says, “I did! Today, we are going to the beach!”
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
A "glad-he-ate-her".
What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of salad?
A chicken sees a salad (chicken Caesar salad).
What do you call a blind German? A Nazi (Not-see)!
What do you call physically handicapped, homophobic, heterosexual men and women in wheelchairs?
Mixed nuts.
Your forehead is so huge, you don't have dreams, you have movies. Follow me on Instagram: _zer0x3.
You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?
European.
When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering, but you walk toward his gun; "I will finish what you started."
I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.
“Are you still holding the ladder?”
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss!
The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.
Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."
Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"
Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."
Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”