You jokes
What do you call a Chinese millionaire?
Cha ching.
If I'm ugly, why do you always look at me when I come in the door?
Ninety percent of your beauty can be removed with a Kleenex.
Oh, were you talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.
Hold still, I am trying to imagine you with a personality.
What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.
What do you call a fish with no eye?
Fsh.
Memes
Parents: "OH! Honey, we were just wrestling!"
Little Johnny: "OK! I'll join you!"
Billy: *spits out food*
Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.
Dad: *looks at mom*
Mom: Shut up.
If you get it, you get it.
There is a thin line between death and life!
You won't live to see it.....
The Cardiogram will!!
Roses are red. Violets are blue. A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, but laughing at YOU!
Like if your best friend is emo. *repost* or like if you have a best friend.
When people make accounts about you and a category.
I asked a Japanese chef how to make a good bowl of ramen, he said "Let me show you."
The thing I don't like about shopping centers...
When you see one, you've seen a mall.
Did you hear about the deaf man who got a ticket?
It's OK, he didn't either!
The teacher asked, "Why are you in school on a Saturday?"
I told her my mum told me to go to hell.
What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?
Fat, you get fat.
What? Were you expecting a pi joke?
Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?
He got inked up.
So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.
When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.
Then it clicked.
"Ah, so that's how you died."
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
What do you call someone who hates rape jokes? An ugly feminist that couldn't get a cock in her mouth.