You jokes
You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.
Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.
The thing I don't like about shopping centers...
When you see one, you've seen a mall.
Did you hear about the deaf man who got a ticket?
It's OK, he didn't either!
Like if your best friend is emo. *repost* or like if you have a best friend.
When people make accounts about you and a category.
Memes
I asked a Japanese chef how to make a good bowl of ramen, he said "Let me show you."
The teacher asked, "Why are you in school on a Saturday?"
I told her my mum told me to go to hell.
What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?
Fat, you get fat.
What? Were you expecting a pi joke?
Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?
He got inked up.
What do you call terrible milk?
Udder Bullshit.
So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.
When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.
Then it clicked.
"Ah, so that's how you died."
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 7 seconds. In case you didn't see that one coming, don't feel bad, they didn't either.
What do you call a roach in milk?
A roach con leche. 😂
What do you call a gay threesome?
A Sloppy Joe.
How do you circumcise a redneck?
You kick his sister in the jaw.
What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.
What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on Mars? Mars Rover.
What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?
This would be much better if you were alive.
What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?
Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.