You jokes

Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus in 1781, 200 years before you were born. How did he do that?

What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?

She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.

What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can't hear an enzyme.

So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.

A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."

Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!

Remember what one of my gay friends told me: it's only cannibalism if you swallow.

What is the difference between an orphan and Pikachu? Pikachu, I choose you!

What do you call a rapper in a wheelchair?

Young Boy Never Walk again.

What do you call children born from incest?

Gross Domestic Product.

This dwarf was being mean to me, so I said, "When you get home, I hope Snow White kicks the shit out of you."

What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?

I don't know.

Neither do I, but it runs in the family.

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.

What do you call a united cow?

United Steaks.

When the school shooter breaks into your classroom, so you try to say goodbye to your Roblox gf, but then the shooter's phone goes off.

One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."

My hair strainer is hotter than you.

What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?

I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!

What do you call a whore with a runny nose?

...Full!

Science can fly you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.

“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?”

No sun.