You jokes
What do you call terrible milk?
Udder Bullshit.
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
-Lift up your foot.
So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.
When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.
Then it clicked.
"Ah, so that's how you died."
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 7 seconds. In case you didn't see that one coming, don't feel bad, they didn't either.
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.
What do you call a roach in milk?
A roach con leche. 😂
So, a daughter goes to her dad and says, "Daddy, can I borrow the car?" He then tells her, "You know what to do." So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust, and says, "Ugh, tastes like shit." Her dad then said, "Damn, I forgot your brother took the car."
How do you know when your sister is on her period? When your dad's cock tastes of blood.
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?
The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.
What do you call a gay threesome?
A Sloppy Joe.
What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.
What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.
How do you circumcise a redneck?
You kick his sister in the jaw.
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on Mars? Mars Rover.
What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?
Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.
What do you call an idiotic cow?
A mis-steak!
What do you call a Mexican that hung him self? a pinata
How do you get bubblegum out of your hair?
Cancer.
Weather is like sex. Once in a while you need to get wet.
How do you start a rave?
Throw a flashbang into the epileptic ward of a hospital.