You jokes
A man is consoling his nine-year-old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted.
"You need to be more careful," he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."
What did the dime say to the penny? At least I have more cents than you.
What do you call a united cow?
United Steaks.
What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?
I don't know.
Neither do I, but it runs in the family.
Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.
Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.
Memes
One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."
What is the difference between an orphan and Pikachu? Pikachu, I choose you!
What do you call a rapper in a wheelchair?
Young Boy Never Walk again.
What do you call children born from incest?
Gross Domestic Product.
This dwarf was being mean to me, so I said, "When you get home, I hope Snow White kicks the shit out of you."
When the school shooter breaks into your classroom, so you try to say goodbye to your Roblox gf, but then the shooter's phone goes off.
My hair strainer is hotter than you.
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!
"Did you go to the light show?"
"Yeah, it was lit."
Teacher: "I'm sorry, but you got a 74 on the test."
Quiet Kid: "I'll show you my own 74."
Classroom: *visible panic*
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?
The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.
How can you surprise someone who is blind?
Leave a plunger in the toilet.
I asked an emo girl, "Do you ever get jealous of your phone when it dies?"
What do you call a rich Asian?
Cha-ching!
What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.