You jokes
What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.
What do you call a fish with no eye?
Fsh.
There is a thin line between death and life!
You won't live to see it.....
The Cardiogram will!!
What can you never tell an orphan?
Go home to your parents.
If I'm ugly, why do you always look at me when I come in the door?
Damn it I discovered digital art. Made this for my laptop lockscreen 😂 I drew the panda btw
What do girls and noodles have in common?
They both wiggle when you eat them.
Ninety percent of your beauty can be removed with a Kleenex.
Oh, were you talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.
Hold still, I am trying to imagine you with a personality.
What do you call a gay drive-by? A fruit roll-up.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, but laughing at YOU!
Parents: "OH! Honey, we were just wrestling!"
Little Johnny: "OK! I'll join you!"
Billy: *spits out food*
Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.
Dad: *looks at mom*
Mom: Shut up.
If you get it, you get it.
An emo kid walked to me holding a rope, and asked: "Do you want to join my family tree?"
Like if your best friend is emo. *repost* or like if you have a best friend.
I asked a Japanese chef how to make a good bowl of ramen, he said "Let me show you."
When people make accounts about you and a category.
A man comes home and hears his wife talking about having sex at the club. The man busts into the club with a revolver and says, "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE?" Well, everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets."
What do you call a Mexican's prison?
The border.
The thing I don't like about shopping centers...
When you see one, you've seen a mall.
Did you hear about the deaf man who got a ticket?
It's OK, he didn't either!
I'll never forget my grandpa's last words.
"Are you still holding the ladder?"