You jokes

This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."

School and Boot Camp are a lot alike. The only difference is that in school, you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.

In some places in the world, you can't get an abortion even after rape. That's so fucked up.

You serve your time, you get out, and you STILL have to pay child support. What a nightmare.

What do you call a roach in milk?

A roach con leche. 😂

A brunette, a red-head, and a blonde are being chased by bandits. They are chased to the edge of a cliff and a genie appears.

"I will help you escape," says the genie, "say what you wish to turn into, and you will become that thing."

The brunette jumps off the cliff and says "Hawk." She turns into a hawk and flies away. The red-head says "Falcon." She turns into a falcon and flies away. Now the blonde is alone and the bandits are getting closer. She makes her decision and backs up, then runs toward the cliff. And...she trips and says "Crap."

The End

Like if you have a boyfriend, girlfriend, or husband, or wife, or a crush.

How do you circumcise a redneck?

You kick his sister in the jaw.

What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.

What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.

What's a good way to masturbate?

Get somebody to do it for you.

What do you call Stephen Hawking on Mars? Mars Rover.

What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?

This would be much better if you were alive.

What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?

Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."

The blonde then taped the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy? You have to ask permission before stuffing it with meat.

How do you get bubblegum out of your hair?

Cancer.

What do you call a Mexican that hung him self? a pinata

Weather is like sex. Once in a while you need to get wet.

Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus in 1781, 200 years before you were born. How did he do that?

What do you call someone with a pindie spot?

Stop screen recording.

What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can't hear an enzyme.