You jokes
What's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant lady?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
Jon said: What do you call a pregnant woman?
Mike said: I don’t know, what?
Jon said: Kinder surprise.
I said to Google, "How do I kill someone?" Then I got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front. Before you click it, it says, "If you want to kill someone, we are the right guys." How the f*** did this get in Google?
Obama, Trump, and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.
Obama: "This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children!"
Trump: "Screw the women and children!"
Clinton: "Do you think we have time...?"
What do you think would fall to the ground first, an emo kid or a leaf?
The leaf. The rope would stop the emo kid.
Who doesn't know it? 😂
If your left nut was Thanksgiving and your right nut was Christmas, then you wouldn't have any balls because they're holidays.
Where can you never take an orphan to dinner?
Family restaurants.
What do you call children born from incest?
Gross Domestic Product.
You were sleeping, it didn't count - Chloe Foxwell 2021:)))))))
My friend told me to "hang on" when I told him I wanted to kill myself.
Buddy, I’ll be hanging for sure, just you wait.
When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say, “This boy always had a fat ass.”
What do you call a pig that does karate?
PORK-CHOP
When you ask the cashiers for the specials menu, and they bring out the autistic kid, blind kid, and Down syndrome kid.
A boy and a girl are showering together. The girl looks down and says to the boy, "Hey, can I touch it?" The boy replies, "Oh hell nah. You already ripped yours off."
What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
Two men are hunting. One asks: "Did you ever hunt bear?" The other one answers: "No, but one time I went fishing in my shorts."
Why shouldn't you buy Russian underpants?
Because Chernobyl fallout.
Q) What do you call Iron Man when he can't swim?
A) Robert Drowney Jr.
This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.
Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.
Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.
Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!
You're so poor, when you kicked a can, a man asked, "Are you moving?"