You jokes

Orphanage

    • Alex: Dad, can we get me a little brother from the orphanage?

    Dad: Sure, Alex! We're here!

    Orphanage manager: Alex! You are so big now!

    Alex: Dad, what is she talking about?!

  • 3

    • Finger

    • When you accidentally wipe a little too hard and your finger goes up your bumhole, triggering flashbacks of when you were 10 and your uncle stayed a few weeks. 😂

  • 2

    • Funeral

    • It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”

  • 1

    • Little Johnny

    • Little Johnny was playing outside and steps on a honeybee. His dad sees this and says, "I saw what you did and for that, you get no honey for two weeks." Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like honey anyway." About fifteen minutes later, Little Johnny is playing with the butterflies and rips the wings off of one. His dad bursts out and says, "I saw that, and for it you get no butter for a month." Little Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like butter anyway." Both Little Johnny and his dad go in for dinner. Johnny's mother sees a cockroach on the ground and steps on it. Little Johnny looks and smiles and says, "Do you want to tell her or should I?"

  • 8
    • You memes

    Cow

    • What do you call a cow jumping over barbed wire? Utter destruction.

  • 4

    • JD Vance

    • You gotta give it to JD Vance. He is consistent; he is Putin his dick where it don't belong!

    Well, somebody has to cushion the blow.

  • 1

    • Kidney

    • Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

  • 1

    • Family

    • Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"

    Son: "Nah, mostly men."

    Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"

  • 1