You jokes

Q: How do you know a wishing well works?

A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.

What do you call an Afghan in the bath? A bath bomb.

There was always that one specific person you thought ruined your life, but it turns out your life has always been ruined by you being in it.

Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"

Son: "Nah, mostly men."

Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"

What do you call an hourglass with no sand in it?

A waist of time.

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'

I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

You gotta give it to JD Vance. He is consistent; he is Putin his dick where it don't belong!

Well, somebody has to cushion the blow.

Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.

A man wakes up from his operation, and the doctor says, "I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?"

The man says, "Bad," so the doctor says, "During the surgery, your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man."

The man says, "What’s the good then?" And the doctor says, "I’m picking her up at 7."

Be careful what you say around Indians, the red dot means they're recording.

BTW, I am one, wahahaa!

What do you call an LGBTQ person getting grilled? LGBBQ.

I made it, DON'T COPY!!!

Rizz

Are you a basketball hoop? 'Cause I want to put my balls in you.

Are you a photo biographer? 'Cause I can picture us together.

Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?

Mum: See the four birds over there?

Kid: Huh, wait a minute.

Mum: A drunk person would see eight.

Kid: Mum, but there is only two.

Q: What do you call a pervert with no legs?

A: A creepy crawly.

Be careful what you say around Indians, the red dot means they're recording.

When you feel lonely, just watch a scary movie.

You won't feel lonely anymore :(

A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"

What do you call a suicide bomber under the water?

Answer: A bath bomb.

What do you say when you see your TV floating away at night?

"Drop it, Jamal!"