You jokes
How do you give a redneck a circumcision? Kick his sister in the jaw.
How do you make an emo jump?
A cliff.
What do you call an avocado that got shot? Glockamole.
Are you a bowling ball? Because I want to stick 3 fingers in you.
So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.
F is for friends who don't talk to you.
U is for Ur alone.
N is for never having any plans at all, all you do is sit at home.
What do you call an Afghan in the bath? A bath bomb.
There was always that one specific person you thought ruined your life, but it turns out your life has always been ruined by you being in it.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
You gotta give it to JD Vance. He is consistent; he is Putin his dick where it don't belong!
Well, somebody has to cushion the blow.
What do you call a depressed a cappella group?
Self-Harmony.
Did you hear about the light bulb party? Yeah, it was pretty lit!
Q: How do you know a wishing well works?
A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.
Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"
Son: "Nah, mostly men."
Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"
What do you call an hourglass with no sand in it?
A waist of time.
What did the rope say to my depressed ass?
~ Hey, you wanna hang?
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
A man wakes up from his operation, and the doctor says, "I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?"
The man says, "Bad," so the doctor says, "During the surgery, your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man."
The man says, "What’s the good then?" And the doctor says, "I’m picking her up at 7."
How do you find out if your kid is gay?
Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.
What do you get when King Kong steps on Batman and Robin?
Flatman and Ribbon.