You jokes
Were you born on the streets? Because that's where most accidents happen.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Make them clap until their parents come back.
It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.
You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?
When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...
...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)
So you know there's like dog mixes, right? Like a Snoodle and that stuff, right? So why can't a bulldog and a shih tzu be mixed? 'Cause if they did, it would be called bullshit.
I wanted to put this up so I could say goodbye to everyone that I chatted with, like Gwen or MEG... So, yea, see you next year after Friday.
When someone calls you gay, say:
"I'm straight, straighter than your hairline!"
Chef: “How did you enjoy your steak, sir?”
Customer: “I asked for it medium rare, but it’s well done!”
Chef: “Why thank you.”
Customer: “You don’t understand, the steak is well done!”
Chef: “Of course it is, I made it.”
You know what is the worst mistake every human being made?
Answer: Living.
What chips are you not allowed to give to orphans?
Family size.
Good that you got detention because you said that to me; you should've gone to jail.
POV: 11:07 PM At night, reading these when you notice that, like everyone else, you have no life.
What do you call a 96-year-old who can still masturbate?
Miracle Whip.
Why can't you play Uno with a Mexican? Because they'll steal all the green cards.
Have you ever had a friend who masturbated many times? I had one who did a lot, but he had no imagination... when he masturbated, he imagines his hand.
Little Johnny comes down for breakfast because he lives on a farm, and his mother asks if he has done his chores or not.
"Not yet," says little Johnny, so he goes to feed the chickens, cows, and pigs. He ends up kicking the chickens, cows, and pigs and goes inside and asks why he got a dry bowl of cereal. His mother responds with, "I saw you kick the chickens, so no eggs for a week. I also saw you kick the pigs, so no bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cows, so no milk for a week either."
Little Johnny's father comes downstairs and kicks the cats. Little Johnny looks at his mother and says, "You want to tell him, or should I?"
What do you call a group of depressed people?
Sue-icide squad.
Have you ever been to the new Disney park called SawCon?
SawCon deez nutz!
You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!
Did you hear about that new emo pizza? It cuts itself!
Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.