You jokes

A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation, and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.

On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going, he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.

The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day, you could have said that she died from complications."

The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down..."

What happens when an emo kid tries to high-five you? You leave him hanging.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them.

What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?

Father Les.

Alex: Dad, can we get me a little brother from the orphanage?

Dad: Sure, Alex! We're here!

Orphanage manager: Alex! You are so big now!

Alex: Dad, what is she talking about?!

What do you call a lost Indian woman? Ms. Singh.

Little Johnny was playing outside and steps on a honeybee. His dad sees this and says, "I saw what you did and for that, you get no honey for two weeks." Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like honey anyway." About fifteen minutes later, Little Johnny is playing with the butterflies and rips the wings off of one. His dad bursts out and says, "I saw that, and for it you get no butter for a month." Little Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like butter anyway." Both Little Johnny and his dad go in for dinner. Johnny's mother sees a cockroach on the ground and steps on it. Little Johnny looks and smiles and says, "Do you want to tell her or should I?"

What do you call a bunch of white people running down a hill? An avalanche.

What about Mexicans you may ask? A mudslide.

What about black people running down a hill?? A jailbreak.

What do you call an Indian electrician?

Ashok 😂

What do you call a Dino stripper?

A dinowhore.

What do you call a cow jumping over barbed wire? Utter destruction.

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

You gotta give it to JD Vance. He is consistent; he is Putin his dick where it don't belong!

Well, somebody has to cushion the blow.

What do you call an hourglass with no sand in it?

A waist of time.

How do you make an emo jump?

A cliff.

How do you give a redneck a circumcision? Kick his sister in the jaw.

What do you call an avocado that got shot? Glockamole.

What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?

A meltdown.

If you're going to be a smart ass, you have to be smart, or you're just an ass.

Are you a bowling ball? Because I want to stick 3 fingers in you.