You jokes

What happens when an emo kid tries to high-five you? You leave him hanging.

Alex: Dad, can we get me a little brother from the orphanage?

Dad: Sure, Alex! We're here!

Orphanage manager: Alex! You are so big now!

Alex: Dad, what is she talking about?!

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them.

A boy walks in on his parents having sex. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the boy screams at his father, and runs out of the room.

Soon, the parents hear screams coming from the father's mother's room. They both go running. They see the little boy pumping into his grandmother like anything. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the father screams. "It's not so easy when it's your mother is it?" says the boy.

Little Johnny was playing outside and steps on a honeybee. His dad sees this and says, "I saw what you did and for that, you get no honey for two weeks." Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like honey anyway." About fifteen minutes later, Little Johnny is playing with the butterflies and rips the wings off of one. His dad bursts out and says, "I saw that, and for it you get no butter for a month." Little Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like butter anyway." Both Little Johnny and his dad go in for dinner. Johnny's mother sees a cockroach on the ground and steps on it. Little Johnny looks and smiles and says, "Do you want to tell her or should I?"

What do you call a Dino stripper?

A dinowhore.

What do you call a cow jumping over barbed wire? Utter destruction.

What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?

A meltdown.

Are you a bowling ball? Because I want to stick 3 fingers in you.

So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.

How do you give a redneck a circumcision? Kick his sister in the jaw.

How do you make an emo jump?

A cliff.

What does a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

What do you call an avocado that got shot? Glockamole.

F is for friends who don't talk to you.

U is for Ur alone.

N is for never having any plans at all, all you do is sit at home.

If you're going to be a smart ass, you have to be smart, or you're just an ass.

Bf: "Roses are red, violets are blue, you're my bf and I luv you."

Gf: "I luv u too."

Bf: "But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, I heard you were cheating, I'll knock off your head."

Gf: "Ah, about that..."

What do you call a Mexican under a carpet? Underlay, underlay.

What did the rope say to my depressed ass?

~ Hey, you wanna hang?

Did you hear about the light bulb party? Yeah, it was pretty lit!