You jokes
Three friends go to a water park and meet a genie. "You each get one wish." "When you get to the top of the slide, you shall scream your wish as you go down." The first man went down the slide and screamed "Coca Cola," and the pool was filled with Coca-Cola.
The next ugly-ass looking mf goes down the slide and screams "C-M&Ms" as if he wasn’t just about to say cum—then the pool was full of cu—I mean M&Ms. The last horny-ass bitch is so excited he says "Weee!" Then the pool is full of piss. He was upset the pool wasn’t full of dildos./j
I know this is a really bad poem, but I'll do it anyway 'cause I have nothing else to do.
'Twas so pretty a night, with people all asleep. Everyone's dreaming of that candy apple treat, and a palace. But alas! No, it's all a dream. Even eating ice cream, it's all a dream! Why can't I have this? Why can't I have that? BUT NO! It's just hitting you like a bat. YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE IT, you say to yourself. All for me, all for me, and et cetera. It goes on and on. But why wish for riches? You're already rich enough. If you have a device, then take my advise, if you were poor you would have spent the money on food, like honey, not something that... OF ALL THINGS IS GOOGLE!
Like I said, it's really bad. :(
What do you do with a frozen vegetable?
You wait for it to thaw.
What do you call a bitch? A dumbass, hahahahaha.
Guy: Are you depression? 'Cause you're crippling me.
Car driver: No, I'm the guy that hit you with his car and crippled you.
Guy: Don't worry, I was already crippled because I got crippling depression.
Yo mama's hairline is so god damn far back even Joe Biden wouldn't sniff it.
Me, Joe Biden: What do you mean *snifff*
Dad: Hey, have you seen that new movie, "Constipation"?
Son: No.
Dad: It hasn't come out yet.
Hey, I'm not forcing you to learn the Force.
What happens when you cross a cow and a redneck?
The redneck fucks the cow.
How do you beat Lady Gaga at Texas hold’em?
Poker face.
Your teeth are so out of line, even James Charles is straighter than them.
Like if you like porn.
What do you call a smart egg? An egghead.
That was an egg-cellent joke!
What do you call a three humped camel?
A prostitute from New York.
This is a Rickroll. The joke is that you thought you were going to get something else, but instead you got Rickrolled.
My dad: You better wear flip-flops everywhere.
Suicidal son: Goes to crack alley.
Girlfriend: I just lost 5 pounds!
Me: How many makeup wipes did you need?
Everyone is a gangster until Helen Keller hits a 3 on you.
I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!
You're so fat, you have more chins than a fat Chinese with heaps of chins!
A girl asked her mom, "Why is my name Walmart?"
Her dad replied and said, "Because that’s where you were made."