You jokes

Your mum... payed other people to take you!!!!

I ain't f***ing with you, there's 1 million things I'd rather f***ing do.

What do you call someone in a wheelchair with a gun? A rxd.

You wonder where my dad is.

Meanwhile, Dad: It's good to be at milk island!

Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?

Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."

Therapist: That's not so bad.

Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."

Why can't you run with a pencil in the hallway? Because too many people got killed!

If I tell you, "Jesus is the trickster," am I, or is he?

What did the farmer say to the pig? "You snout to believe it!"

Your forehead is so big that you dream on IMAX.

What do you call a Jamaican proctologist?

Pokémon!

Never give up, 'cause never gonna give you up.

Never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you, never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna desert you.

You're so fat, when you went on the weighing scale, it said "to be continued."

What do you call a horse that does karate?

A horse.

You: I have a nice hairline.

Your friend: Since when do you have one?

You: I forgot.

What do you call it when Panera Bread is running away?

Panera fled.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Owl.

Owl who?

Who? Are you meant to ask "who?"

People go to places to see Harry Potter live, but you can just go to the abortion place and see something disappear.

You're as tall as a giraffe.

Well, that's why you look like a baked bean!

What do you call a family photo with an orphan?

A selfie.

What do you call a photo of an orphan who takes a selfie?

A family portrait.