You jokes

Toilet: hi You: hi what?

A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."

What happens when you hit Dwayne Johnson's butt? You hit rock bottom.

What do you call an Indian eating cows? Mooove to jail.

If I missed something, I'll give it to you. If you taked it, you are a mistake.

Roses are red, the grass is greener, when I see you, I play with my wiener.

Never give up, 'cause never gonna give you up.

Never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you, never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna desert you.

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

It's some weird number. You probably never heard of it.

You know, their family dinners must be so happy.

Did you hear about the guy that dipped his balls in glitter?

Pretty nuts, huh?

Jesse: Do you like my ball?

Mike: Yes, they are very big. I can’t even fit them in my mouth. You bought a new ball, right?

Jesse: No, they do not leave me.

What do you call a chomo on the road? Roadkill.

What do you call an animal in space? Just death because you need a spacesuit.

Mickey: I want a divorce!

Minney: Are you fricking crazy?

Mickey: No, I'm fricking Daisy!

Do you know Ligma?

Have fun rubbing those balls in your tomatoes!

You: You are such a flick pain.

Me: You are flick pain to my sight.

Did you know that Princess Diana had dandruff?

They found her Head and Shoulders on the car dashboard.

After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,

Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"

Friend: Ur sister after you were born. 😭

Me: Ur brother after chemotherapy. 😵

Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?

Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."

Therapist: That's not so bad.

Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."