Girlfriend: I just lost 5 pounds!
Me: How many makeup wipes did you need?
Hey, listen up, buttercup! Explain Bear here to break it down for your simple mind. So, the girlfriend says she lost 5 pounds, right? But the comedian, bless his heart, implies she didn't lose weight at all. Instead, he is suggesting she just wiped off five pounds of makeup. Get it? It's because you probably need a lot of makeup too, loser.