You jokes

If you are a robot, you cannot talk.

That's what you do. And the ahteot09oe.

What's the difference between a man's wife and his dog?

Lock them both in the trunk for three hours and see which is happy to see you when you open it.

Words can’t describe how beautiful you are.

But numbers can. (Lol)

You will never have a girlfriend.

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."

Your head so big you can wash a big TV on it!

So, I walked up to my grandma and I said, "What color would you be on a rainbow cupcake?" She just turned 61, ok, ok. So I'm like, "I got it, I got it, ok, ok." She's like: "Ok, what color?" I say: "Grey."

Is your tap water running well?

Beta, go catch it!

Is your oven running?

Then you better go catch it!

Bully: You're so short you hand-glide on a chip.

Short person: Well, at least I don’t look like a giraffe that just came out of an oven!

Are you a nation leader or an email deleter?

Okay, roses are red, violets are blue, Barney looks better than you.

Q: Did you hear about the Twin Towers?

A: No, what happened?

Q: Apparently, the design was fundamentally floored!

When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:

"Enjoy the little things."

What do you call a dog that fell into the Porta-Potty?

A Corgi Potty.

"Did you guys make sure Stephen was plugged in?"

What do you call a no "r"-med T-rex?

A T-ex.

What is sex? You put a sex person in someone’s sex.

Did you hear about the shark that ate a key shop?

I think it got lockjaw after that.