So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons.
"My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don’t succumb to his sexual advances, I would have to jump out of the plane."
And his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?"
The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."
Suzy: How did Jonah fit in the whale?
Teacher: Whales are very big but have small mouths, so Jonah did not actually fit in the whale.
Suzy: Well, the Bible says he did.
Teacher: He did not.
Suzy: When I get to heaven I will ask him how he fit in.
Teacher: How do you know he went to heaven? Maybe he went to hell.
Suzy: Then you can ask him.
What is a good night sleep? I love it when you walk home and walk home from school and walk home and walk home from home and walk home and get a good night walk and walk home from school and walk home from school and walk home from school and walk home from school and walk home from...
What do you call a crease join?
Hahaha
Little off topic but...
Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.
Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.
Mum: Fair point.
What do you call 3 orphan girls in a tornado?
All of her twist.
You look easy to draw.
What do you call a Panera Bread you write with?
Panera lead.
When you have erectile dysfunction, it could be expressed as the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
If you got a bowling ball and you stuck it on top of a sack of potatoes, what would you get?
A "retiree."
"It's not a war crime if you invade a country with oil."
-Sun Tzu, Art of War
You're so skinny that you fall.
What do you say if you want to borrow your black sister's foundation? "Got any lighter shades?"
What do you call a sad rabbit? Unhoppy.
Why isn't there a sad sunglasses emoji? To show that I am happy but I'm still cool.
Waitress: What can I get for you?
Me: I'll have a steak.
Waitress: How would you like it?
Me: Immediately!
You can tell if a woman is angry if she is holding a gun.
Knock knock. Who's there? Well, I will tell you who's not there: my dad.
Do you like In-N-Out?
Yes, why? In and out of your mouth.
"You can drink drinks, but you can't food foods."
-Sun Tzu, The Art Of Food
"You cannot win a war without a war."
-Sun Tzu, *The Art Of War*
