You jokes

How do you get an emo down from a tree?

Cut the rope!

So imagine bullying an orphan so bad they cry, and then you say, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"

How do you spell "I. P. With U?"

Do you know what SAWCON is?

SAWCON deez nuts.

If reincarnation is correct, if you die now, you can be reborn and live a second life. If you were born in Ukraine, you can immediately live a third life.

What do you call an emo kid standing outside the mall?

Anything, he'll cry no matter what you say.

Are you a rope? Because I want to hang sometimes.

What do you call a flat-chested emo girl?

A cutting board.

You call it suicide. I call it a failed parkour attempt.

When you throw your peanut butter sandwich at the nut allergy table: 25+ kill streak!

An African man was walking in New York when he saw a sign that said, "Watch out for children."

He started laughing hysterically, then a white man asked him, "Why are you laughing?"

He said, "In Africa, they would never put up a sign like that."

So, Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "Okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well, come with me out to my dad's car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car, she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"

Lil Jimmy: Hey doc.

Doctor: Hi, sorry but I can’t see you anymore.

Lil Jimmy: Why?

Doctor: Because, Lil Jimmy, I’m a family doctor, you're an orphan.

Lil Jimmy: 👁👄👁🖕

What do you get when you cross a priest with a toilet?

Holy shit.

I would roast you, but the mirrors do when you look at them.

When you look in the mirror, the mirror cracks.

When you step on the weighing scale, it shows your phone number!

I'm required by law to tell you I am a registered sex offender.

Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?

And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?

Yo mama's hairline is so god damn far back even Joe Biden wouldn't sniff it.

Me, Joe Biden: What do you mean *snifff*