Did you hear that nursing homes keep returning the new Paul Walkers?
They let the elderly move fast, but then burst into flames and burn the patients alive.
You Jokes
Say what you want about Paul Walker, but he was a smart guy.
You can tell by the quantity of brain matter on his dashboard.
Me to an orphan: If you had a penny for everyone who loved you, I don't think you'd have any.
The orphan: But why?
Me: Because if someone loved you, they wouldn't have thrown you out.
When the ugliest cat looked at you, then you search up the ugliest thing in the world, you show up.
A priest walked in and said to the kids,
"Hey kids, are you ready for your faptism?"
Have you heard of the new sequel to "The Exorcist"?
A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son.
Why can't you solve a murder in Alabama?
All the DNA is identical and there are no dental records.
Yo mama so fat, everyday people kept asking: "Are you pregnant?"
What do you call a gay drive up?
A fruit roll-up.
Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?
A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.
Do you know what dogs and orphans don't have in common?
Dogs get loved.
My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"
I said: "Why?"
My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"
I said: "KNEW IT!"
What do you call depressed coffee?
Despresso ;)
School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"
Orphan: "My family never came back for me."
School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."
What's the best way to tell your friend you hate them? Option 1: Kill them. Option 2: Walk away. Option 3: Kill each other.
Me: Why can't I just kms and leave them the pain?
What do you call an animal flouting?
Super bird!
What do you call a running chicken?
Scared.
What do you call a fish without eyes?
A fsh.
Anonymous 1: Why are you crying?
Anonymous 2: No, buddy, come to my finral.
I didn't steal it. 🌚
Why crack your fingers when you can finger your crack?
