You jokes

So the teacher goes up to you and says, "I'm going to call your parents." Me: "Good luck finding them."

The police: Pull over!

The kid: Do you know who my dad is?

The police: What, your mom did not tell you?

If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?

An American.

You know that the F in orphan may stand for family, but it actually stands for "fuck family."

Bully: My d*ck is longer than your password. Me: I don't have a password. So you *won't* have a d*ck after I tear it off you.

I was bullying a little kid for having a purple eye and said, "Where'd you get that? Your mom? Your dad?"

After that, everyone in my group was laughing at the kid. The next day I never saw him again.

In America, you fight Ukraine.

In Soviet Russia, you fight Mykraine.

What's the difference between roast chicken and pea soup?

You can roast chicken.

What is the worst motivational thing to say to a suicidal person?

"If at first you don’t succeed, try again and again until you succeed."

A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, "Where'd you get that lovely thing?"

"Africa," the parrot replied.

Why could not the 11 year old watch the pirate movie?

because it was rated RRRRGGGG.

I am guessing you don't understand :(