Why is Michael Jackson on the naughty list this year?
Because he sexually kids π
There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes.
When she got the puppy, he was nice, but the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play Barbies. βAnd also, why havenβt you been feeding the dog? He needs food, you know.β The parents only answered with βOh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy...he wonβt need feeding for years.β
Why is Black History Month the shortest month of the year?
I threw a boomerang years ago. Now I live in constant fear.
Joe mama's so fat, I took a picture of her last year, and itβs still printing!
I don't wanna brag, but I finished a puzzle in under a week, and it said 2-4 years on the box.
Dream Stans: Technoblade died too soon.
Technoblade's Dad: He was only 23 years old!
Pig's average lifespan: Only 15 β 20 years (23 years old is way above).
Who gave Jesus his birthday presents every year?
Santa Claus!
There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:
Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.
Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.
These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.
Only Ninety's kids know about this.
My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!
I usually hang up Halloween decorations,
but this year I'm gonna be the decoration.
1: My grandpa died last year.
2: What kind of cancer?
1: He was hit by a bus! It's called bus cancer.
A 60 year old man said his wife called him a paedophile the other day, strong words for a 6 year old.
A pedophile is sitting at an empty poker table. An eight-year-old kid asked him if he could sit down. The pedophile says to the child, "Sure, let's play."
Why does a chicken cross the road?
To poop and pee in the potty!
Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.
Condoms 99 percent effective.
Birth control 99 percent effective.
Etc.
Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)
How do you find a redneck virgin?
Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.
What's the only punch that can knock out a 21 year old?
A Sandy Hook.
Yo mama so fat, it took your dad eight years to come back with the milk.
Congratulations! 10 years+ record of hide and seek with your parents, and they're still hiding!
They hide so well, they probably forgot about you. Mwah. <3
