Q: What do you call America in a year? A: A wasteland.
Why did the Puerto Rican American πΊπΈ π΅π· that was a gay male πΊπΈ π΅π· that was born physically challenged not say anything to a group of gay white men that were not physically challenged after they called him a size queen after the Puerto Rican American πΊπΈ π΅π· that was born physically challenged was done taking turns giving them a blowjob and was done taking turns swallowing their sweet cum? πΊπΈ π΅π·
Because it was the best meal that he ever had since he has been in prison for 30 years. πΊπΈ π΅π·
A 60 year old man is walking along a deserted road with a 12 year old boy. Itβs getting dark, and the boy says βHey mister, itβs getting dark and Iβm scaredβ. The man replies, βYouβre scared? Iβve got to walk back to town aloneβ.
What happened to the eight-year-old boy that needed to go to the bathroom during church?
The priest stopped him on the way there.
One man was very depressed because he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home, and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grieve.
Suddenly, with his head raised up, he sees Santa Claus walking by. "Santa?" he asks. "Why are you early? It is not even Christmas?"
"Ho, ho. Don't worry about me. Let's worry about you instead," says Santa. "What is the problem, my friend?"
"I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house."
Santa: "I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life, and I'll give it to you."
Man: "My first wish is I want my house back."
Santa: "Done!"
Man: "My second wish is I want 1 million in cash in my bank account."
Santa: "Done!"
Man: "My third wish is I also want my job back!"
Santa: "Done, but before I actually give you those wishes, I have to hump you."
Man: "Okay. Let's do it."
So Santa Claus takes off his pants to hump the man.
After they are done humping, Santa asks the man: "How old are you?"
Man: "I am 35 years old."
Santa: "And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!"
Holy fucking shit, Addison, watersharky, Gwen, and all of you other cringelords, I swear to God if I hear one more thing about "please be kind, no bullying on the internet," I will actually shoot my local school.
You may not know, since you are only 8 years old or whatever, but the world is not kind. Itβs full of sick people out to beat others, and the only way to stay safe is to beat them. So even if you think you are spreading kindness, itβs just gonna make you a target. So just stfu and keep your "please be kind" messages to yourselves.
So... here's da scoop, alright... *licks KFC off lips* so, I was caught having sex wit three 6 year olds (girls btw, just in case you guys get mad) and da judge told me I was getting da death penalty, you know what I mean?
I had a last resort to save myself though, you feel me? So I told da judge, I said to him, I said: "Yo honah, 6 + 6 + 6 = 18, you smell me?"
Needless to say, I was announced a fre-e-e-e-e-e-e man after dat, you feel me?
But then, the Predator Poachers nigckas just barged into the courtroom and they said: 4 + 4 + 5 = 13!
Alas, I'm writing this joke from jail, and judging by the look my prisonmate Tyrone is giving me, I'll be writing jokes from hell from now on.
What do a 14 year old and the fetus inside her both think?
"Man, my mom's going to kill me!"
What's the difference between a five-year-old and a Democrat?
The five-year-old doesn't expect you to do everything for them.
(Vote for Ted Cruz, Ben Shapiro 2020)
I like my women like a day: 24 year olds. 24 hours of fun.
I finally got my wife to shut up.
Who knew all I had to do was bury her alive all these years, ha! Try telling me to get my feet off the couch now, Karen!
2019 Senior Prank: Hey fellas, let's black out the school. Haha, we're so sneaky, oh yes!
2020 Senior Prank: Hey guys, I'm a tech whiz, let's spread a rumor on the internet saying a disease called the corona virus exists! Haha, it'd be so funny and good, even the whole world might fall for it!
Everyone in December 2020 looks at tech whiz: "...you son of a b*tch!!!"
Tech whiz: "You guys are the a**holes! I mean you fell for it for a whole year!"
A woman buys a house, but she doesn't know what to name the house, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Hairy butt," so she named the house Hairy Butt.
The next month she had a baby, but she didn't know what to name him, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Crack," so she named the baby Crack.
After a year or two she lost him, so she called the police and said, "Help! I looked all over my hairy butt, but I couldn't find my little crack."
Whatβs the coolest thing about having a 12 year old friend...
You get to meet Chris Hansen!
Why does Jesus never vacation on Earth?
Because he traveled down about 2,000 years ago, got with some Jewish chick, and they're still talking about it!
Michael Jackson went into an Italian restaurant and died because he choked on 9-year-old meatballs.
What is black and blue and really hates sex?
The six-year-old in my basement.
A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.
To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."
He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.
There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes.
When she got the puppy, he was nice, but the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play Barbies. βAnd also, why havenβt you been feeding the dog? He needs food, you know.β The parents only answered with βOh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy...he wonβt need feeding for years.β
I threw a boomerang years ago, now I live in constant fear.
