Year jokes

I usually hang up Halloween decorations,

but this year I'm gonna be the decoration.

1: My grandpa died last year.

2: What kind of cancer?

1: He was hit by a bus! It's called bus cancer.

A 60 year old man said his wife called him a paedophile the other day, strong words for a 6 year old.

A pedophile is sitting at an empty poker table. An eight-year-old kid asked him if he could sit down. The pedophile says to the child, "Sure, let's play."

Why does a chicken cross the road?

To poop and pee in the potty!

Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.

Condoms 99 percent effective.

Birth control 99 percent effective.

Etc.

Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)

How do you find a redneck virgin?

Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.

What's the only punch that can knock out a 21 year old?

A Sandy Hook.

Yo mama so fat, it took your dad eight years to come back with the milk.

Congratulations! 10 years+ record of hide and seek with your parents, and they're still hiding!

They hide so well, they probably forgot about you. Mwah. <3

Scientist time travels into the year 2024.

Scientist: So, what happened with the storming of Area 51?

Pedestrian: Oh, you mean The 51 Massacre?

What’s the difference between a cow and Hitler jokes?

You can’t milk the cow after 12 years.

Q: How do you know if an Asian broke into your house?

A: All your homework and the Rubik's cube you spent a year on and still can’t solve is solved. 🤓🤓🤓🤓

If an orphan wins the lottery, what do they have to use all of it on?

Years of child support!

This isn't a joke. My dad went to the shops for some bread 16 years ago. He still hasn't returned. Should I be worried yet? Or should I wait a year?

Stephen Hawking had a heart attack the year before his death.

They took him to PC World for repairs.

My dad said he'd be back later after he walked out the door with a suitcase.

Who takes a suitcase to the grocery store? Silly daddy!

There are three people in a plane that is about to crash: Trump, Obama, and a nine-year-old girl, but only two parachutes. Obama says, "Oh my, I need one. I need to protect my family," so he jumps off! Trump says, "Oh, I am the smartest man in the world. I must take it," so he jumps off. The nine-year-old girl says, "Welp, I guess he took my school backpack" :) so she leaves the plane! What a good ending.

Wanna hear a clean one?

Old man takes a bath with bubbles.

Wanna hear a dirty one?

Bubbles is the 14 year old next door.

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”