Year jokes

Santa's sack is big because he only comes once a year, but his sack is SO BIG after containing the lovely eggnog he has that those weigh the sleigh.

He never had kids because he comes in the chimney.

Q: Why can kids relate to dogs?

A: They are noticed for 13 years, then left for no one to touch again.

If R. Kelly was a therapist:

14 year old: I hate my life.

R. Kelly: I feel you.

What’s the difference between a microwave and a 10 year old girl?

The microwave doesn’t fart out blood and diarrhea when you pull your meat out.

I forgot you can't make depression jokes outside of Twitter, lmao. My coworker was like, "You ready for this year to be over?"

I was like, "I'm ready for this life to be over." He was like, "Bro, what?"

This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.

There are 365 days in a year. Orphans have 363 because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day.

What does an orphan have in common with an 80-year-old woman? Their parents will never come back.

3 year old boy: 1... 2...uh....?

Older brother: Ooh I know! 1, 2, 3 get the fuck off my apple tree!

What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?

"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"

What do you call a 96-year-old who can still masturbate?

Miracle Whip.

Why do orphans hate hide and seek?

Their parents went to play hide and seek years ago.

Why I can’t be skinny? I hurt myself for fatting. - Jenny

Hello please I want gain wait. - Jenny year later.

Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.

Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.

Years later:

Dad still did not come back.

I bought my son an Xbox in 2017. It’s now 2018, and I’m still waiting for him to open it.

Love is the best picture you can use to be able for her and I was able for her in the best place for her and I have to be honest and a great team of the team and the way it goes is the first 4th year of my life in my life as a new 💕.

If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?

What month has 28 days?

All of them.

If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.