Year jokes

A young 38 year old happy Muslim migrant living in Sydney wants to wed a beautiful young bride. He asks the local Aussie the minimum age to wed his yet unchosen bride. "Eighteen," the Aussie says, sipping a beer. "She has to be Eighteen."

Okay, the Muslim man sighed, with disappointment and walks off. Next day he arrives with a 13 year old girl.

"Wtf are you doing?" Aussie says?

"You say this is okay," Muslim replied. "Fuck no, she must be at least Eighteen you sick bastard," says Aussie, flicking away his Winnie Blue cigarette. Muslim man leaves angrily.

Next day Happy Muslim settles on a 14 year old girl from Punchbowl to be his bride. Aussies jaw drops, "What is wrong with you mate?" asks Aussie.

Muslim man replies "You tell me to choose 'a teen', 'a teen', I chose a teen and now you come for my third and now fourth choice. Fuck you!"

Aussie: "Eighteen not 'a teen' you sick mongrel."

What is the most expensive type of sex you will ever enjoy in your life? The type which will shorten your life by 5 to 10 years.

Orphans must hate 2020 because you need a home to homeschool.

How do you surprise a 50-year-old man? By putting a 12-inch dick through his ass.

He said, "Best surprise ever!"

Me: Sister, stop stealing my stuff or I will make you feel bad.

Sister: No, I won't stop.

Me: Fine, I'm telling the world what you did.

Sister: What? You will see when I post it.

Sister: WHY DID YOU TELL THEM I PEED ON SANTA CLAUS WHEN I WAS 12 YEARS OLD?

Me: BECAUSE YOU DON ́T HAVE A LIFE.

Why were the octopi sad?

Ugly 2d big tittied girls kept fucking him idk im a horny 14 year old.

What do you give the dentist of the year? A little plaque.

It took me years to figure out the Oreos served in Lunchables are knock offs. On the cover it says “Chocolate Crème Cookies.” I’ve believed this lie for as long as I can remember. Unless they were real back then? I don’t even know at this point. They sure as hell aren’t real now!

Thanks for the birthday wishes. It's been an odd one this year, as some of you know, my father suddenly passed away on my birthday last year, and anyone who knew the old man knew he had a sledgehammer wit!

Good on ya dad, ya definitely got the last laugh!

If you make jokes about SH, you're not funny, and if you do, I'm gonna assume you're some 12-year-old who wants to be an edge lord. I don't really care if people get pressed.

Q: What's worse than f**king a 2 year old?

A: Wiping the blood off of your clown suit afterwards.

When I found out that 10 billion bowls of soup are consumed each year in AMERICA, I thought to myself, "I thought soup was healthy. Apparently not!"

My girlfriend was born on February 29th, so does that mean she is 2 years old?

The Queen: "I've had a few medical problems this year. I'm so old that my pussy is haunted!"

Have a great year!

What did the 19-year-old say to the 12-year-old?

Wanna play Mario Smash Bros without Mario or his bros?

I can't wait to have 2020 in my hindsight.

Yo mama so fat, it took the Flash 40 years to run around her.

Dad: Hey son, do you like Christmas?

12 year old me: Yeah!

Dad: Well, how would you feel about two?

Me: What?

Would you steal 20 dollars from a stupid 6 year old kid with Down syndrome who can't talk and make ah ah ah noises, or get one dollar for saying the N word?