I can’t believe it’s been over a year since Kobe decided he’s too good to wait in traffic.
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
Americans won't have a Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Why not? They sent their turkey to the White House.
It was the year 1912, I was in the SS. titanic, and I woke from a dream to think, "I've heard of wet dreams, but is that WATER?"
Q:What do burger King and michael Jackson have in common
A:they put meat on five year old buns
A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing The beer bottle says: if you break me you get one year of bad luck The mirror scoffs: oh, that's nothing, you break me and you get 7 years of bad luck. The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing
My doctor said "you have 1year to live"
I said " you wanna bet"
Bam a gun shot
My grandpa has a world record for holding his breath. He's been holding it for 6 years.
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, death eight year old child get for their birthday?"
"Cancer"
My 2 year old Asian baby cant do calculus Look who in sweatshop now
I’m in the year 1930...
The Great Depression.
What do you call an 18 year old orphan...? Homless
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My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell, she broke every bone in her body.
1 year later she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died
Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven".
The first guy says "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times". The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says "11 years and only once" and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says "20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart" and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".
The guy looks up and says "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard"
What does McDonald's and priest have in common they both put there meet in 10 year old buns
I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.
So my parents were telling me about this dark joke they made 17 years ago, but they didn't actually tell me the joke.
After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
If i don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
