world's

world's jokes

Christmas

    • A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.

    On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."

    On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.

  • 1

    • Gift

    • Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.

    "I built a big house for our mum," said the first.

    "I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.

    And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."

    A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,

    "The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."

    To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."

    To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"

  • 1
    • world's memes

    Feminist

    • How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    None. They just hold it in the socket and expect the world to revolve around them.

  • 3

    • Depression

    • when someone says to cheer up: you, I never thought of that. :)

    -> in reality, :( (sob)

    depression is no game, and here in this world, we are here for each other, although at times it might not seem like it.

    Keep strong, and you'll find the end of the tunnel, but ending the pain and being gone just spreads depression.

    French

    • There are only 2 things I hate in this world:

    1. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures. 2. The French.

  • 0

    • Dream

    • Ernie and Burt were camping in the woods, when they woke up Burt asked Ernie "how did you sleep?" Ernie replied with "I slept amazing! I had a great dream that I was in a magic candy world and was sucking the most tastiest lollipop I'd ever tasted in my life."

    Burt replied with "Good to hear, I slept amazing too. I had a dream that I was in heaven surrounded by angels, and one of them was giving me a blow job."

  • 1

    • Queen

    • Yes, the Queen has died today. Can the people of the world please finally tell Harry to stop cross-dressing as her?

  • 5

    • Shit

    • Holy fucking shit, Addison, watersharky, Gwen, and all of you other cringelords, I swear to God if I hear one more thing about "please be kind, no bullying on the internet," I will actually shoot my local school.

    You may not know, since you are only 8 years old or whatever, but the world is not kind. It’s full of sick people out to beat others, and the only way to stay safe is to beat them. So even if you think you are spreading kindness, it’s just gonna make you a target. So just stfu and keep your "please be kind" messages to yourselves.

  • 4

    • Hell

    • Jesus has had all the time in the world and all the power in the world to do whatever he wanted.

    Guess what he has to show for nothing, but putting us in hell!

    Being an absolute waste breathe of life, and of power!

  • 8

    • Comment

    • We are close to beating the world record of comments on this website (171). Right now, there are 155, so put more comments!

    Reader

    • Who are the fastest readers in the world?

    The people in the Twin Towers, because they went through over 100 stories in less than 10 minutes.

  • 2