Work jokes

I asked the orphan why he was crying. He didn't really say anything.

Then I asked where are your parents? He cried more. I love working at the orphanage.

Is "buttcheek" one word, or should I spread them?

What’s the difference between a feminist and a suicidal vest?

A suicidal vest actually works when triggered.

Why'd Billy get fired from the banana factory?

He kept throwing with the bent one.

Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?

Because every little bit helps!

I shouted at a kid. I told him to get his parents.

It was the last time I worked at an orphanage, 🤣.

I got a job at a library. I got fired after 15 minutes. They told me it was because I put women's rights in the fiction section.

A lumberjack goes to a person's house.

Then he realized the tree was too big and was stumped and had to leaf.

I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.

I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.

A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her mom naked taking a shower and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get breasts?" Mom says, "Oh, when you're 12 or 13." The little girl looks down and see’s her pubes and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get hair down there?" Mom says, "Oh, about the same time you get breasts."

Then the little girl walks in and sees her dad sitting on the bed with a hard on and asks, "Daddy, daddy, when am I gonna get one of those?" Dad says, "Soon as your mom leaves for work."

So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.

20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.

I would make a disabled joke.

But they never work.

My girlfriend left a note on the TV saying, "This isn't working!" I don't know what she's talking about, the TV works perfectly fine.

Orphans don't have phones because the home button doesn't work.

I saw a little boy playing alone in the street. I told him that was a bad idea, then asked for his parents.

God, orphanages are fun to work at!!

"Prostitutes love their jobs; they're always having a blast!"

I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!

2k14 was so realistic when I switched to Kobe, the pass button stopped working.

Me: How does this thing work?

ForTnite kid: Oh, you don’t know how to use a pistol? Look, I’ll show you.

ForTnitekid: *shoots foot*

Me: That wasn’t a very good demonstration.