Work jokes

My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.

I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?

What does a disabled disco play?

"When your legs don’t work like they used to before."

Why did the Headless Horseman get a job?

He was trying to get ahead in life.

Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!

Asians don't believe in Santa because they make the toys.

In America, you work on a plantation.

In Soviet Russia, the plantation works on you!

Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.

A guy asked me what I do for a living.

Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"

My dad may be working, but the coping mechanisms sure aren't!

Hey girl, are you my boss? 'Cause you just gave me a raise.

"I work with animals," the man said to his date.

His date said, "I love a man who works with animals. What job is it for the animal?"

"I am a butcher," said the man.

A lumberjack goes to a person's house.

Then he realized the tree was too big and was stumped and had to leaf.

What’s the difference between a feminist and a suicidal vest?

A suicidal vest actually works when triggered.

Why'd Billy get fired from the banana factory?

He kept throwing with the bent one.

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?

A can't opener.

A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her mom naked taking a shower and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get breasts?" Mom says, "Oh, when you're 12 or 13." The little girl looks down and see’s her pubes and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get hair down there?" Mom says, "Oh, about the same time you get breasts."

Then the little girl walks in and sees her dad sitting on the bed with a hard on and asks, "Daddy, daddy, when am I gonna get one of those?" Dad says, "Soon as your mom leaves for work."

So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.

20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.

I would make a disabled joke.

But they never work.

Tell your teacher this: "I passed a test that took 60 minutes. It wasn't your work, it wasn't my work, it was hour work!"

I've tried to like all of your jokes. They are funny 😆 and joshisboss, you are awesome. Keep up the good work 👍!